Episode 225: Sunday School | David - 2 Samuel 13

We are in Second Samuel chapter 13 this morning, and everything's bad. Okay? It's all super bad. This is like the cesspool. The Bathsheba incident might be the worst thing—I don't know, is that the low point in David's life, career, maybe? It's one of his most famous sins, but at a consequential level, this is the worst.

I'll give you a warning here as we jump in. As you go through Second Samuel 13, there are not going to be any good guys. There's no white hats. We have a tendency when we read a story to try to be like, "Okay, these are the good guys and these are the bad guys." There are some places in the Bible where that story really gets frustrated because literally everybody is bad. There's a bad guy here, and then the other guy shows up and says, "Oh, this is going to be the hero, the rescuer, solution." They're bad too. Somebody else shows up and you're like, "Oh, okay, here it is." Then they're terrible as well. That's this. It's just a mess. Everything is really ugly. Put down your need to categorize this into good guys and bad guys because it'll frustrate you if you do that.

A couple of things to watch as we go. I want you to notice how the sins of one generation are taken up, maybe tweaked a little bit, but how they get lived out in the next generation. What one generation does, what David's generation does, his children are going to do. You're going to see some of David's worst characteristics coming through in his kids. That might be painful to you because have you ever noticed your worst characteristics coming through in your kids? Is that a thing?

I also want you to notice there's all kinds of parallelisms as we watch things out. It's not exactly the case—these things are not exact mirror images—but at a conceptual level, there's lots and lots of parallels.

Amnon's Obsession

Chapter 13, verse one. In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. — 2 Samuel 13:1

Right there, what do we know about Amnon and Absalom's mothers? They have different mothers. And so this guy is going to fall in love with his sister, which is weird, but it's really only his half sister. Because as we've seen, David's got a lot of wives, and so his family tree is kind of complex and has a lot of branches.

Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her. — 2 Samuel 13:2

How do you guys feel about the phrasing of that? Does that phrasing seem a little weird to you? I looked it up in every translation. Everybody uses that same phrase: "It was impossible for him to do anything to her." What does that connote in your mind? Taking advantage. He's always thinking about doing things to her—doing things to her. Right? It's very objectifying language. It's not like, "Man, I really want to have a relationship with her." Not at all. It's "I just want to do things to her." And he's frustrated to the point of illness on account of that.

This sets up right out of the gate a very strong contrast between these two characters. Amnon's frustration is direct. What's the cause of his frustration? It's not merely his desire for Tamar. It's his inability to achieve what he wants, to seize what he wants. And why can't he do it? What is Tamar bringing to the party? It's her virtue. Right? If she were willing, Amnon would be like, "Let's go." But Tamar's own virtue, her own character, her own integrity—she's a virgin. She intends to remain so. She's got this kind of richly ornamental robe, which kind of reminds me of Joseph, but it's got this thing that her father has given her. Maybe it's like the 1000 B.C. version of a purity ring. David has given her this robe that signifies her purity, and she's not down. She's not going to mess around with Amnon. So his villainousness contrasts with her character, and he's super frustrated.

As this author is always doing, as the narrator is going to do, he's going to lay some things in here. And I wonder if you notice anything here. When it says he was frustrated because she was a virgin and he couldn't do anything to her—listen to what's about to happen.

Now, Amnon had a friend named Jonadab, son of Shimeya, David's brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, "Why do you, the king's son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won't you tell me?" Amnon said to him, "I'm in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister." "Go to bed and pretend to be ill," Jonadab said. "And when your father comes to see you, say to him, 'I would like my sister Tamar to come and to give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so that I might watch her and then eat it from her hand.'"

So the essence of his buddy's advice is go create a deception. Go create some kind of subterfuge. And if you can trick her, if you can get her alone in the room, well, then you'll be able to take advantage of her. Even if she says no, there won't be anyone there to stop her, and you'll finally get what you want.

Now, this is implicitly a pagan activity. And in fact, I really think—for reasons we'll see more in a little bit—I think it's meant to remind us of something else. It didn't happen in Samuel, but something goes all the way back to the book of Genesis. Can you think of another time where someone uses deception and fraud to trick someone into going to bed?

There's a variety of things you might be thinking of. The shrine prostitute thing, I think that's Judah. Abraham's son Isaac, Isaac's son Jacob, Jacob's son Judah has sex with the shrine prostitute. She is deceiving him because he has kind of wronged her out of having a child. That's a different story than the one that I'm thinking of. But it is in the Book of Genesis. It's the whole Shechem story. I don't know if you know the Shechem story, but let me read you a little bit of this. Go to Genesis 34. There's going to be some exact verbal echoes.

When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw this woman—her name is Dinah—he took her and violated her. And his heart was drawn to Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the girl and spoke tenderly to her. And Shechem said to his father Hamor, "Get me this girl as my wife." — Genesis 34:2-4

That's the same setup. This man here, he sees this woman, sees that she's beautiful. This is a theme throughout Genesis, from as early as the Garden. The man sees something, it's beautiful, he wants it, and so he takes it. And what's going on with this whole Shechem story and Dinah is he sees her, he wants her, he goes and he gets her. We're going to see a little bit of an echo of this in this Amnon story.

She is being virtuous. She is following the laws of God. She is doing what the Torah prescribes that she do. But Amnon doesn't have time for that. Doesn't want to wait. Doesn't want to do anything. He's like, just let me have it.

And it says something really interesting about him. Did you notice, in this thing, when he's having this conversation with his friend, how does it describe his orientation towards her? What's his emotional response to her? Love. It says he loves her. And how do we describe the best friend? Up in verse three, what is he described as? Shrewd. That's the same word as when they translated it shrewd—the translators here are trying to help you out. It really is just the word for wisdom.

So tell me this: Are love and wisdom good attributes? So what do you think about the fact that Amnon is described as loving her? He's in love with her. He loves her. This friend is being described as being wise. He's a very wise man. If I told you that I knew someone who really loved this woman and I told you someone who was very, very wise, would these strike you as positive characteristics?

So why are we describing these two—everybody's a villain in this book—but why do these two characters get those labels? What do you think about that?

You're saying that he has to be—it says he was very shrewd. But that's in English. Promise you, the very same word for wise here is wise in a good sense. It's not a different word. The translators are a little bit uncomfortable with it. I almost wonder why they didn't kind of shade over the love thing because we don't like this kind of wisdom, and yet it's the same word.

So what do you think about that? Does that seem strange to you? Anybody have a solution? How do we make sense of the fact that wisdom and love can be ascribed in these very negative contexts?

Yeah. So couldn't it be used, couldn't it be used properly as to show those virtues being good attributes rather than misuse of them making wisdom craftiness.

I think that's exactly right. What Chris is saying is that these things—there's a phenomenon that every good thing can be made a bad thing. And the better the thing is, the worse that it becomes. You familiar with this idea? Like, pick a thing. A cat can only be so good and so bad. Right? If a cat goes bad, it's not going to be that tragic of a thing. A dog perhaps might be more powerful and therefore able to be more bad. A human being can be really, really good or really horrible. A supernatural spiritual being like an angel could be even better and therefore even worse. Right?

I think that what we're meant to see here is that love and wisdom are lovely. Possibly could be fantastic. But if they go bad, it goes really, really bad. If you're using all your brilliance, all your stratagem to achieve a horrible end, then the result is that this woman gets raped. Right?

You may love her in the sense of—but what do you think it means in this sense? In what sense does Amnon love her? That's the idea. He has sexual desire. His sexual desire is not a bad thing. He genuinely delights to look at her. He longs to touch her. And those things aren't bad, but they're about to be utilized super, super bad.

And so it is with us. There are all sorts of things in your life that could be really good. You could use your business acumen. You could use your persuasive power. You could use all sorts of things that are good or meant to be good, but in the wrong hands or in the wrong way at the wrong time can just spin out of control. It's real love. It's real wisdom. But my goodness, how negative are they when they get flipped? Right? That's what we're seeing here. Okay?

So as they go on, David decides to kind of play out the strategy and do what he said he was gonna do. But he's a little—well, let's take a look at what happens here.

So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to him, Amnon said to him, I would like my sister Tamar to come and to make some special bread in my sight so I may eat from her hand. — 2 Samuel 13:6

And David sent word to Tamar at the palace. Who sent word to Tamar? David. I want you to feel that. David is about to be implicated in this. David is a link in this chain.

David sent word to Tamar at the palace, "Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him." So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, and made the bread in a side and baked it. And then she took the pan and served him bread, but he refused to eat. — 2 Samuel 13:7-9

Now, how would you characterize David for the last 35 chapters in terms of discernment? How has he been, generally speaking? He's really, really good. We're gonna watch. Just watch. David is not somewhere else. At every key moment in the story, David gives the stamp of approval. He's like, alright, sure. Go get your sister. Okay, sure. We'll send your brother to the party. David keeps being invoked, and David keeps falling for it. And you're supposed to watch that.

David who can sniff out—he knows what Saul's true motives are. He knows what the enemies are gonna do. He knows how to manipulate some evil king. He's a dupe in this whole story, and you're supposed to read it and be like, "David, no. David, don't. Oh, you did it again, David." Feel that. We're watching this man unravel as the thing goes on. He's deceived. Maybe he's even negligent. Maybe he's just not paying much attention. It seems like he used to live his life in a state of high alert, watching things, discerning things, and now he's just like, it's all happening, and he keeps signing the permission slip. Okay?

So Amnon pulls his thing, and then she comes in to feed him, but he doesn't want to eat the bread because everybody's there.

And so in verse nine, "send everyone out of here," Amnon said. And so everyone left him. And then Amnon said to Tamar, "bring the food here into my bedroom so that I may eat from your hand." — 2 Samuel 13:9

And Tamar—do you think Tamar's onto him yet? Do you think she's afraid? I don't know if she is. It's hard to know.

Tamar takes the bread she prepared, brought it to her brother, Amnon, in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, "come to bed with me, my sister." — 2 Samuel 13:10-11

And now there is no cover. There's no longer any deceit. There is simply raw power. Okay?

Parallels to David and Bathsheba

How does this what's happened already parallel David and Bathsheba? Remember, we're seeing a generational jump down. How does this start—put these two stories in your mind. How many lines can you draw? David to Bathsheba, Amnon to Tamar. What do you see?

He saw her. She was beautiful. He took her. Good. Willing to violate the law over lust. Both of these guys know what is right, and both of these guys just don't care. Good. What else?

Where else are we seeing what should happen is when this all is done, David's gonna be like, how can I be angry at my son because I did the same stupid thing? Right? Catherine? It reminds me yes. So Catherine's referring to Jacob as this incredibly crafty, right, very deceptive man. His name Jacob means he who grasps the heel, which in our world persists in the idiom of pulling your leg, which is to deceive, to grasp the heel, to pull the—he's just a deceiver. And then Jacob meets when Jacob meets his superior in this game, who is it? Laban. And now it's like, oh, it's on. So he has to live through Laban's tricks, and David's about to have the same thing happening with Amnon. Right? Okay. How are the women's experiences the same? How is Bathsheba like Tamar? They're in the presence of somebody who's more powerful. That's right. One is the king. One is the son of the king. Right? They're both disadvantaged women in the presence of someone who's willing to use their power against them. What else? How does the story end for each woman? Shame. Shame. Grief. And not only that, but this is a crazy thing. In each situation, we haven't gotten to this point yet, but one of the sons of David dies in the first story. Bathsheba's son is the son of David. He dies. And we haven't gotten there yet, but spoiler alert, a son of David is going to die in this story. So there's all these things that are meant to kind of lay you begin to see, like, oh, this reaction to a response of a consequence that flows from what his father had done. You're meant to see these parallels.

Now, look at Tamar. What do you notice about Tamar's verbal response when her brother grabs her by the wrist and throws her into the bed? What does she say? No. How many times? Enough. Like a lot. Right? Alright. It only takes one, but look at what she says in verse 12.

Don't, my brother. She said to him, don't force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel. Don't do. And then she characterized it as wicked thing. How will I get rid of my disgrace? You would be like one of the wicked fools. — 2 Samuel 13:12

She is very, very strong in her response. Right? None of it stays his hand. But she is clearly, entirely, utterly above board. We don't know about Bathsheba. Right? Maybe she enjoyed her time with the king. Maybe she did not. The text just doesn't make it clear. It's a little bit frustrating. No, but where was she at on this? It's hard to know. We've got to make some guesses. With Tamar, no guesses. We know exactly where she stands, and her brother doesn't care. Violates her. Right?

All right. So then this goes on. Now we're gonna get even a little bit more of an allusion here. This line here where it says, "Don't do this wicked thing"—that is verse 12. Don't do this wicked thing. What about me? Where would I get rid of my disgrace? You'd be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. That is an allusion to Genesis 34, the passage that we looked at earlier. Here's verse 7. Just tell me if you don't hear the echo.

Now Jacob's sons had come from the field as soon as they heard what had happened with Dinah and Shechem. And they were filled with grief and fury because Shechem had done a disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob's daughter, a thing that should not be done. — Genesis 34:7

Right? That's exactly phrase for phrase the same language. I think what the author here is trying to do—they will often build in these parallels to say, don't you see this guy, the son of the king, the heir to the throne perhaps, right, is acting like a wicked pagan Canaanite, you know, enemy in our history. And we're meant to see this house of David, and from David's house is gonna come one who will reign. The Messiah will come. And then this first son we're looking at, we're like, oh my gosh. Like, this cannot be the guy. And it's beginning to unravel immediately. Right? That's what you're supposed to see. John? I noticed another strange thing. Yes, okay. We'll get to that in just a second. We're gonna unpack that because that's a little bit uncomfortable. We're gonna look at some of the Old Testament history of her counterproposal in a minute, but not quite yet. Bear with me one more second here.

Sexual Immorality and Pagan Culture

Here's something I want to suggest that maybe you've heard, maybe you've never heard. But did you know this parallel here or this picture here where we're watching Tamar and her virtue and her character, she's behaving like the people of God. Right? Then we see Amnon, and he's imitating Shechem and this whole mess, behaving like the pagans. What the author is laying down here for us is a particular belief that sexual immorality is fundamentally pagan in its nature, and that Christians are different from that, and that when Christians enter into sexual immorality, we are acting like those who do not know God. Now, I recognize that's a strong thing to say because you've lived your whole life in a world where Christians constantly commit sexual immorality. Right?

So much that we're like, well, actually, it's kind of like us too. Right? Biblically, it's not. And in fact, if you go to flip with me to the New Testament for one second. First Thessalonians 4:3, we could do a long survey on sexual immorality in the Bible. The only thing I want to impress upon you is that sexual immorality is fundamentally pagan. That when we enter into illicit sexual relationships in all their many and varied forms, we are demonstrating, we are masquerading, we are giving evidence that we're not actually Christians. Did you know that?

Listen. Look at First Thessalonians 4. There's a whole passage here on sexual immorality. Listen to this.

It is God's will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality. — 1 Thessalonians 4:3

I love that verse because I spent my whole life working with college students who all want to know God's will. What job should I take? Should I marry? What should I do? Everybody wants to know God's will. It's like, here's one that's easy. Here's God's will. It is God's will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality. Now knowing that, now that you know God's will, do you want to do it? Was that the problem? Was the thing that was keeping you from knowing his will or keeping you from obeying—is that you didn't know his will or was it you didn't want to do it once you knew it?

Here it is. It's explicit. It's plain. What's God's will? That you would avoid sexual immorality. And then he continues and he says this:

Each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable. Not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God. — 1 Thessalonians 4:4-5

That when we give way to sexual immorality, we are imitating those who do not know God. It's fundamental to the nature of paganism to be sexually immoral. It is fundamental to the nature of Christianity that we would yield our bodies to the Lord.

And right now, what we're watching Amnon do is dress up like a pagan and live a life like the heathen. And maybe that's because he is. The fact that he's the son of the king doesn't mean anything. He could be a genuine man of God. He could, and he could repent. Praise Jesus for that, because our lives are marked with all sorts of things that we've been cleansed of and forgiven for. But fundamentally, the Bible teaches sexual immorality is pagan in nature. It's heathen. You act like those who do not know God. And that's exactly what we're seeing him do. You with me?

Alright. Now check it out. She has said to him—watch what she has said to him. What's her counterclaim in the midst of her distress? In verse 13, what's her counterproposal? Talk to the king. And what? He'll give me to you. Wait a week. Just wait a week. Go talk to dad, and he'll let you marry me. And then everything will be on the up and up.

Is that weird to you? Would anybody tell your rapist, you know what, hang on—let's just get married and then everything will be fine. That feels extremely uncomfortable. But then he rapes her. He doesn't listen to her. He refused to listen to her. He rapes her.

And then this happens. After it's all over, verse 15:

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her.

What's that about? Why do you think he is suddenly so filled with rage towards her?

Guilt. Chris, I'm connecting him with David and Bathsheba. They both had a similar response where they made up an illusion, a fantasy in their brain of what could be. Yeah. And what David did when he laid with Bathsheba—he just then it skips four, nine months and she had conceived. He did it. Supposedly there's no story in between. So it's as if he just told her to go away. I don't want to see you. I'm shameful. Whenever I see you, I'm shameful. And now Amnon is feeling the same way.

I think you're right. David had no intention to marry Bathsheba. He just wanted Uriah to come home, then he had to because the thing was a mess that created. So he goes and he solves it. But you're right. I mean, both of these guys are feeling shame. And have you ever done anything wrong? Have you ever done this where you've done something wrong and then you feel bad and then you turn that badness outward towards others? Or you could be like, "Oh, that was wrong, and I repent, and I feel shame, and I'm going to do the right thing with that shame," but instead you're just in a bad mood and you lash out at other people. That's what's going on.

We have complex emotional lives. And Amnon begins to hate her as much as he loved her, more even so. And so he says, "Get out. Get up and get out."

And then her response is this:

No, she said to him, sending me away will be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.

What is she saying in that moment now? Like, what's her literal request? Marry her. Marry me. Okay.

Who thinks that feels really, really weird? So let's talk about that. Whenever we come to the Scriptures, there are continuities and discontinuities with our time. Meaning there's things that we're like, "Oh, that makes sense. I've lived in that world. I understand that." There are things that we're like, "Wait, that's culturally so different, so other. This is going to be really challenging," so stay with me here.

Why does she now that she has this—it's no longer just a gambit to prevent rape. It's now her response to having been raped. She says, "Marry me." Which I would think almost to the person we would find that an unacceptable solution. What is behind that for her? Cover up. Cover up? Okay, maybe. But there's actually—it's very a strange expression of this, but there is something that she's right about. What is it?

Would no one want to marry her if she's not a virgin? Okay, it very well could be that now that she's lost the status she's now a marked woman and she will be unmarriable. This is absolutely probably part of what she fears.

She fears the Lord in the same way that her virtue prevented her previously from going, "I see that handsome boy, let's just lay with him." And capture purity of her going, "I good Lord, even though these evil things happen, at least we can make halfway good."

Yes. Okay. Yes. And the way that we would make it halfway good—here's the thing that's a huge discontinuity for us. It's great, Chris. God believes that when two people are united in the act of sex, they become one. But, like, actually, really. And having been made one, you would have to rend them apart, and that would be a bad thing.

This is strange because we're like, "Well, I mean, you were 16. Well, I mean, you weren't a Christian. Well, I mean, you blew it." Right? And we tend to move on from those. But the Biblical understanding of sex is that when God says, "These two shall become one," he actually meant it. Something happened there. Something changed.

Listen to this. So go back to Exodus 22. This is also odd to our ears. Look at Exodus 22:16-17. I think this is what Tamar is living out of.

If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, he must pay the bride price and she shall be his wife. — Exodus 22:16-17

So if the two are united and the two become one, it's like you've already made your decision. Lock it up. Okay?

Now, hear me. I understand that you're like, "Whoa, that's super, super weird." But you might want to consider the fact that our flippancy—that when the two become one, like, not really, not actually—we have a tendency in our culture to think that's not really true, and we also have a tendency to think that we're right about everything. But God's word is suggesting there is something that happens in a sex act that is fundamentally in its nature unifying so much so that if you've done it, you should get married. Okay?

Now, watch this because the next sentence will give you guys a little bit of relief. Look at the next line, still in Exodus 22:

If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, he must pay the bride price and she shall be his wife. But if her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride price for virgins. — Exodus 22:16-17

Okay? So what this means is that dad is entrusted and obligated to step in and be like, "Okay, you guys have had sex, then you just need to get married and you have to make this thing work." But dad is allowed to say, "No deal." Dad gets to veto this. He can say, "This guy is a loser, over my dead body." However, you still gotta pay me the money. Right? That's a real thing.

So all that to say the Bible treats that union that happens as a really big deal. Not inviolable. The man who loves this woman, the father, the one who is wiser and older, is able to step in and say, "Stop. Go away. Give me your money instead." Okay?

So there is a safeguard there. But it just suggests that perhaps we treat that act more lightly than the Lord himself. And of course you do because you've lived your whole life in a world that treats that act very lightly. Right? Make sense?

Okay. Anybody need to talk about that, work that out? It's different from the way that we live, and it's useful when we come across those things in the Bible to sit under it and to wonder maybe we're wrong about something. But I'd kind of be glad that dad's allowed to step in. Be like, "No, absolutely not." Okay? Good enough?

Okay. Caleb. Would you say that the father vetoing it is something that's still relevant in today's society? Is that because you're saying the continuity and the differences between that and that?

Yeah. Is that something that's still relevant?

So Caleb's asking, how much of this does the dad still have a veto right? How does that work?

This is a broader question. Whenever we approach the Scriptures, we have a tendency to claim that we believe all of Scripture is true, right? That God's word is inspired and that it all matters. Some will say you take it all literally. You don't take it all literally. There's clearly figurative language in it. But the real question is how much of this is applicable in this particular moment?

Here's how I would answer that in broad terms: All of Scripture always applies all of the time. There's no question if a passage applies or not, but there's a genuine question of how it applies.

Israel, for instance, is a theocracy, and we are not a theocracy. So when we're living in a democracy, how do we take the principles that lie in the Scriptures and apply them? What do we do with vows of sexual immorality? What do we do with the rape charges? What do we do with the clean laws? There's all sorts of Scripture that we're like, "Well, our situation is so different that we couldn't exactly apply that in the way that it's written." But we don't get to say, "Well, it's off the table. None of this counts." We have a tendency to take the things that are weird and that we don't like and say, "Well, that doesn't apply." I would suggest that we should never say that it doesn't apply. We should always ask: How does it apply? What principles can we extract from it?

What I would take from this whole event, Caleb, is this: Number one, God cares about sex, and he wants in every age and all time that sex to be preserved for marriage. But he understands that the pagan world will do what the pagan world does. That's always been true. But he wants Christians to act like Christians, not to act like pagans. When we have lots of Christians who act like pagans, their only hope will be that God would forgive them and be merciful to them, even as he was to David. David suffered a consequence for his sin, but he wasn't killed. He didn't even lose his kingdom. So God is merciful to us even when we act like pagans.

Regarding the dad thing, we maintain vestiges of this in our culture where you might ask her dad permission to marry her. How many of you guys asked your wife's dad if you could marry her? And what would you have done if he said no? Seriously, would you have been like, "Well, we'll still invite you, but..." Probably, right? So there's still something in our culture that's like, "Man, it'd be really nice to have the consent of the dad." But women today are not quite so protected or provided for by their fathers as they were in this culture. So there are some things that have changed, and yet we still say, "Man, we want this marriage to happen under the blessing of the dad."

When I asked Jack Donohoe if I could marry Kelly, if he had said no, I mean, I would have married her. But it would have been a drag. I wouldn't have liked that at all.

So I do think that we honor and respect those things, but it's difficult to know how we apply it in this exact moment.

Responsibility and Authority

Lily brings up a good point: What sort of responsibility does a father take for his family? We're so far past having the patriarch that we think our kids, our teenagers, they're just gonna do what they're gonna do. But I think that there is a lot of wisdom to be taken from the biblical model. A father does have authority, and God has given it.

It's not a dictatorial thing where the father says, "You can't marry" or "You will marry." The ideal would be to be in a relationship where a woman would say, "Absolutely, I would never marry a boy without my dad's blessing. I would gladly do that because her dad is so wise and so engaged and so godly." That's by far the ideal. But we live in varying degrees of shading away from that ideal.

We have very few minutes and there's so much more to cover, so I'm gonna keep moving. Here's what happens next.

Just want you to get through this whole arc. He refused to listen to her. He kicks her out and off she goes. And then she is sad and grieving and you can't hide her shame. And so in verse 20, her brother, her full brother, Absalom says to her:

Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister. He is your brother. Don't take this thing to heart. — 2 Samuel 13:20

How do you feel about that advice? Fine, fine, fine. Don't tell mom. Right? And Tamar lived with her brother in Absalom's house, a desolate woman. Now to Absalom's credit, he invites her in. He welcomes her. She's not isolated, but he's angry. Everybody's mad. But he doesn't really—he just says, like, just don't take it to heart. I wonder how many times men have said to women, don't take this thing to heart in a way that wasn't very helpful.

Now dad finds out. Verse 21:

When King David heard all this, he was furious. — 2 Samuel 13:21

So what does he do? Nothing. David is a man of action. Do you remember David being furious in the past? What has David done when he's been furious in the past? Yeah. He's like, Put on your swords. Right? And we go back to Nabal. David is furious and he does nothing.

Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad, and he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. — 2 Samuel 13:22

What we're meant to see here is the unraveling of David. This is a man of action. He's discerning. He takes quick action. He's wise. He consults. He's always like, Lord, what should I do here? Should I leave the city? Should I go into the thing? And he just is mad and he does nothing. You're meant to see it's all coming apart. David is ceasing to be David. The one who is a man after God's own heart is a wreck.

Then how much time is going to pass before the next verse? Two years. That's a long time. Look at that:

Two years later, when Absalom's sheep shearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king's sons to come there. — 2 Samuel 13:23

Okay, sheep shearing. When was the last time we saw a sheep shearing party? No, seriously, in the text, what was the last time? Do you remember? What is it? They were protecting the shearers and the mulch. Yes, the whole Nabal scene. Right? So this might load this into your mind. Once again, the last time David was mad, what happened? All these things that play out. But David, he's going be stupid again. Okay?

So Absalom, what do you think Absalom wants to do? Do you remember? Do you know where this is heading? Absalom wants to kill Amnon. So check it out. Absalom, in verse 24, went to the king and said:

Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his officials please join me? — 2 Samuel 13:24

No, my son, the king replied, all of us should not go. We would only be a burden to you. And though Absalom urged him, he still refused to go, but he gave him his blessing. And then Absalom said, well, if not, please let my brother Amnon come with us. And the king asked him, Why should he go with you? But Absalom urged him, so he sent him Amnon and the rest of the king's sons. — 2 Samuel 13:25-27

When David says, why should Amnon go with you? What do you think is happening there in David's mind? It is a little suspicious. Right? Why is it suspicious that Absalom would want Amnon to come with him? Because he hates him. Does David know this? He should know it. Right? Everybody knows it. We're going to see a record of it coming out. Of course he knows. So there's enough in his mind to be like, Why would you do that? But David is not on his A game. So Absalom urges him, he persuades him, and David's like, Fine. And it's the same thing. Just like David was complicit when Amnon says, Send Tamar in, David's like, I mean, okay, fine. Whatever you want. Now what's gonna happen again is, Okay, fine. Whatever you want. And you're meant to see again, he is so discerning, he is so wise, he so seeks the Lord. All of that is gone. It's just gone, baby, gone.

Absalom is doing the same thing that David did to Ephraim. Yes. But the death of Amnon, will that remove some burden from Tamar as well? Oh, yeah. Tamar is thrilled. Right? Like, the whole marriage that should have happened, like, that's no longer kind of hanging. Oh, right. She's now free from that. Yeah. It's not only that—it's not only that her sense of vindication is justified, but she's now a woman who would be free to marry. That's right.

I just want to comment, like last week we talked about David about the like if you did that, the penalty is death. If you did that, the penalty would have been death. But I want to inject that because there's this sense of, like, gosh, my own children are doing this and I love them. That's right. And so what's being said is, the whole thing is such an absolute pinch because Amnon—what should happen to Amnon, the rapist? He should die.

But David doesn't want to kill Amnon. Right? Absalom does, and he will. But is Absalom a good guy in this? Is Absalom finally the just one who rises up to execute the will of God? He is not. I'm telling you, there are no white hats. The whole thing is a mess. Not only are there no good guys, there are no good solutions. Right? This thing has spun into a place where there are things—there are places in life where it's like there is no good solution because you screwed this up years ago. Right? Honestly, sometimes I will get phone calls from folks in the church that are in some terrible circumstance and they want to know what to do. And my thought is go back in time ten years. Right? Because I don't know what to do at this point. You are so many steps down this causal chain. You're going to have to go back. This is going to be a while. You can't fix this. It didn't happen overnight. And the seeds of this very heart-rending circumstance were born five years ago or ten years ago or fifteen years ago. And this is going to be a while to go back and rebuild this whole thing. These guys are in a terrible circumstance due to long chains of decisions.

Okay, so keep going because we've only got a couple minutes. Okay? So look at verse 28.

Absalom ordered his men, "Listen, when Amnon is"—so Amnon comes to the party. "When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, 'Strike Amnon down,' then kill him. Don't be afraid. Have I not given you this order? Be strong and brave." So Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered, and then all the king's sons got up, mounted their mules, and fled. — 2 Samuel 13:28-29

How does that parallel Absalom's treachery—or Amnon's treachery, rather? What are the similarities again? We're looking at all these similar things. Amnon did something against Tamar, and then Absalom does something against Amnon, and it all is links in a chain. It's another deception. Hey, come to this party. Another deception. Right? So, "Hey, have her come in and bring me food. Hey, come on in and let's eat." Right? It's a food-based deception. What else? Who's implicated in both? Remember David okays them both. Both of them are traps. They're both premeditated. Both absolutely premeditated. They both get overpowered in the course of a meal, and each one carries out a wicked, violent fantasy over the other. And you're meant to feel, "Oh, I get it. I get it. You're saying A implies B and B implies C." And this thing that started with David and Bathsheba, it's playing out again and again and again and it just gets worse and uglier as we go because that's just the nature of sin.

Amnon had deceptively manipulated things, but Absalom had deceptively manipulated the king, ordered one of his children into a trap, and in the midst of that meal, he violently overpowered him as the other had done against her and lived out their fantasy. And then things are gonna get weirder and weirder and weirder. How's this story going the second time? How's this thing gonna end for Amnon? What's the next phase for Absalom? What is it, Bob?

He flees. He flees.

He says, "I take over the throne."

That's right. He's gonna flee into exile. Right? And now in a kind of weird inverted sort of way, Absalom is now imitating David because he too—David will live in exile estranged from the true king. And now Absalom is gonna live in exile estranged from the true king. And then there's going to be a battle over who's going to—we'll see it coming in weeks and chapters to come. Is it going to be David's kingdom? Is it going to be Absalom's kingdom? David fears that Absalom's going to come, but he also loves him. He's in this horrible pinch where if he goes left, it hurts him. If he goes right, it hurts him. It's just going to be a huge mess. But it's all tracing back to chapter 11 where the world broke.

It's also the first link in that prophecy. Nathan said that the sword would never depart from your house.

That's right. It's starting right here. Right out of the gate, this prediction that David—you're not going to die. We're going to let you live. We're going to show you mercy. But your life's about to get a whole lot more complicated, and indeed it is, in ways that there are no great solutions. David is negligent. He is no longer attentive. He's no longer a man of decisive action. But kind of in his defense, like, what would he do? There is no silver bullet here. It's a mess. And David is no longer equal to the task. And we're gonna see it continue to get worse and worse and worse from here on.

So cheerio. Alright. Good enough? Read chapter 14. We'll talk about that next week.