Sunday School | David: 2 Samuel 14

In Second Samuel chapter 14. You guys ready? So grab a Bible. Second Samuel chapter 14. I have been looking forward to this chapter. Here's why: Second Samuel chapter 14 contains my favorite verse in the whole Davidic narrative. I won't tell you what it is yet, but we'll get there when we get there. And there's a ton of interesting things, I think, that are happening here in 2 Samuel 14.

Let's get a quick review. Can anybody give me a review of Second Samuel—I don't know, the last three, four, five, six chapters, whatever—just lately? What's been going on in the life of David?

A couple of things. Crash and burn. We're past the Bathsheba chapter. That marks the climax. Right before Bathsheba, what was going on? He didn't go to war. But what about the previous chapter? We had the whole Mephibosheth thing, where he shows grace to Jonathan's kid, Saul's grandson. Basically, this was the apex of David's kingdom, right before Bathsheba. Everything's going great. He's winning victories. The kingdom is finally his. He has labored patiently and evaded spears for years. He has everything. He's living out this grace towards Jonathan. He's victorious everywhere he goes, and then it all just starts to unravel.

His grabbing of Bathsheba was like Adam's grabbing of the fruit. It's beautiful. You want it. You take it. He sees that she's beautiful. He wants her. He takes her. And then everything begins to unravel from there.

What else has happened since the Bathsheba moment? The child born of that union with Bathsheba dies, and then a new child is born, Solomon. And then Amnon and Absalom—do you remember this? What happened with Amnon and Absalom and Tamar?

Rape and revenge. That's a handy little sermon title right there. Amnon is hot for his half sister Tamar, who is the full sister of Absalom. He rapes her, and then everybody's kind of like, "Ah, don't sweat it." And that just doesn't really work. But Absalom, the brother of Tamar, is super angry, so he kills his brother Amnon. And David is just kind of AWOL on the whole thing. He's nowhere to be found.

Now, did I say to you last week, I think, that we have a tendency to categorize who are the good guys and who are the bad guys? The problem with this moment is that everybody is bad. It's just really hard to find a white hat anywhere in this narrative. You might have characters with whom you sympathize, and there are characters to whom we would seek to do good, but not necessarily because they are good, but because God is gracious. But it's going to be hard to categorize.

Chapter 14 Begins

Here it is, fourteen-one. Joab—who is Joab? David's military commander. David's military commander. And what was over here? General. Remember we did this whole thing about the DJs and the vowels? David is in Judah with Joab. This is that same guy who's been David's military commander for years and years and years. I think he's actually his nephew or something. There's some relationship there—cousin, nephew. Something. There's some descendant of somebody. They have a covenant relationship.

Joab is this guy. He's known him all his life. And Joab sees—he looks into this and he's like, David is now separated from Absalom because after Absalom killed Amnon, after Amnon raped Tamar, David will have nothing to do with him.

And so his son is estranged, and Joab knows this is a bad scene, and he seeks to try to bring about a change. Okay? So that's what's going to happen.

Verse one, Joab son of Zeruah knew that the king's heart longed for Absalom. So Joab sent someone to Tekoa and had a wise woman brought from there. And he said to her, "Pretend you are in mourning, dress in mourning clothes, and don't use any cosmetic lotions. Act like a woman who has spent many days grieving for the dead. Then go to the king and speak these words to him." — 2 Samuel 14:1-3

And Joab put words in her mouth. Now before we hear what she's going to say, does this remind you of anything? This is an echo of something we've already seen in the Davidic story. Do you know what's about to happen?

Nathan. Where does that happen? Right. Remember this: after Bathsheba, they want to try to convince David that what he has done is wrong. So instead of telling David "What you did was wrong," which is likely to raise up his defenses and maybe the message will never get through, they deploy this little Trojan horse. Remember this? They tell a story, and he hears the story, which has nothing to do with him, and therefore he can hear it and he can receive it. And this drama, this parable, this story is able to get over the wall like a Trojan horse. Once it's inside, then the soldiers spill out and he's busted.

I don't know if Joab knew what Nathan had done, but he's about to do the same thing to him. David is going to hear a story. It's going to be a dramatic enactment. It's going to be almost a play, and it's a Trojan horse. Once the horse is inside the gate and David has already accepted it, when it spills out, he's trapped.

So it's an echo. And, again, as you read through this, the author of Samuel wants you to realize, "Oh, I get it. This is the Nathan thing." Except whereas Nathan merely told a story, Joab is going to have this woman enact a story and be more compelling.

So watch what happens. What's going to happen is somebody's going to get audience with the king. That's what Nathan did. Gonna seek judgment in a fictitious situation. That's what Nathan did. Gonna let the king pronounce judgment. That's what happened with Nathan. And then compel the king to be like, "Oh, snap. It was me." Right?

So watch it.

Verse four. When the woman from Tekoa went to the king, she fell with her face to the ground and paid him honor. And she said, "Help me, O king." — 2 Samuel 14:4

Let me ask you one more thing. As I read you this story, we're dealing with this whole Nathan's subversive approach, but this story that she's about to enact, that she's going to live out before David, is itself based on another Bible story that's not part of the Davidic narrative. It's earlier. Much, much, much earlier. Tell me if you can recognize what is the Bible passage that this woman's little story is going to be based on.

Just listen for it.

The woman from Tekoa comes to the king. "Help me, O king." And the king asked her, verse five, "What's troubling you?" She said this: "I am indeed a widow. My husband is dead. I, your servant, had two sons. They got into a fight with each other in the field and no one was there to separate them. One struck the other and killed him. Now the whole clan has risen up against your servant and they say, 'Hand over the one who struck his brother down so that we may put him to death for the life of his brother whom he killed, and then we will get rid of the heir as well.' They would put out the only burning coal I have left, leaving my husband neither name nor descendant on the face of the earth." — 2 Samuel 14:5-7

The king said to the woman, "Go home and I will issue an order in your behalf." But the woman from Tekoa said to him, "My lord the king, let the blame rest on me and my father's family, and let the king and his throne be without guilt." And the king replied, "If anyone says anything to you, bring him to me and he will not bother you again." And she said, "Then let the king invoke the Lord his God to prevent the avenger of blood from adding to the destruction so that my son will not be destroyed." And David replies, "As surely as the Lord lives, not one hair of your son's head will fall to the ground." — 2 Samuel 14:8-11

Now, at your tables privately, I want you guys to have a chance to play the game. What is the Bible story upon which this story is 100% based? Don't tell me. Tell each other. See if we can figure it out. You have one minute, go.

Alright, I'm curious. Anybody got any theories?

What is the Bible story upon which the woman from Tekoa is basing her story with David? What is it? Cain and Abel. Is that what you got? Think about it, okay? You have two brothers. They are alone in a field. One of the brothers kills the other. And then the killer becomes concerned that he will be killed. And the most powerful person there is intervenes to save. And he spends his authority to threaten retaliation against anyone who kills the killer. That's Genesis four. Do you hear it? That's Genesis four.

Okay. So she's what she does is she takes that story and she lives it out in front of David. Okay? Has anybody ever read East of Eden? Anybody read that? East of Eden, know what that's based on? Smart money says Cain and Abel because that's what we're talking about. And it is. Story, East of Eden is entirely about Cain and Abel. You get all these brother sets, Charles and Adams, C and A. You've got Cal and Aaron, C and A. You've even got Kathy Ames, was one of the most loathsome fictional creatures in history. She's evil, evil, evil. Right? So that story, East of Eden there, this ancient story that Steinbeck picks up, before Steinbeck ripped it off, Joab ripped it off and tells the story. Okay?

Do you think David recognized it? Do you think he saw the Cain and Abel story in it? Not so far. You would know? Okay. There's some indication that he might have, but we don't know if he did. And I don't know if he did or not. But it's possible that he did. David was pretty steeped in Torah. Right? Possibly. Okay? But he hears the story. Maybe he recognizes the allusion. I'm not sure, but maybe. But let's just assume for the moment that he did, what is the point of the Cain and Abel story?

I don't know if you ever thought about this, but what's the sometimes the Bible teaches things propositionally. Do this. Don't do that. Sometimes it teaches narrative. It just shows you, here's the situation. Here's what God did, go and do likewise. So what do you think? Do you know what the point of Cain and Abel is? Sin is crouching at the door. Okay, there's this great line in the Cain and Abel story where it says:

Sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you, but you must master it. — Genesis 4

Okay? So it's a word to Cain am I getting that right? Cain's the bad kid, right? It's a word to Cain that he's getting it wrong, what he had misunderstood earlier. Do you know why Cain's sacrifice was rejected and Abel's was accepted? Do you know this? This is all for free. This has nothing to do with David, but I'm just interested in this. Do you know what that was about?

Cain was a vegetarian. That's right. And God doesn't like vegetarians. So Cain basically offers a sacrifice to the Lord. It's like a radish or something. Right? Abel offers a sacrifice to the Lord. And what was that? It was a dead animal. Right? And God looked with favor at the animal sacrifice and not with favor at the carrot. Right? That's what was happening. Cain was upset. Well, it seems like Abel understood in that story. Abel understood, oh, I get it. When mom and dad sinned, you made them a garment of cloth. You had said that they would die. If they didn't die, somebody else had to die. So it must mean that sin equals death and somebody needs to die. It doesn't need to be me, and so here's a sheep. And God said, Exactly. That's what we're looking for. Whereas Cain was just kind of like, here's an onion. Right? And it didn't work. Okay? So that's what happened.

But then what flows out of that? What is the point though? What's the punch line? What is the surprising punch line of the Cain and Abel story? There was another way. Another way for what? It wasn't the line wasn't going to go through Cain for you. Yes. Okay. Well, that's true. So we're going to wipe out Abel. We're going to I mean, Cain kills Abel and what and then Cain gets Cain kills Abel, so he's out, and Cain gets set aside and God raises up Seth. That's true. There is another way. But hang on. Here's what I want you to say. This is going to matter again for Samuel.

The Point of Cain and Abel

The point of the Cain and Abel story is that Cain should have been killed, but he wasn't. His father was told:

If you eat of it, you will die

And then he didn't die. And then Cain commits a capital offense, and he should die, and he doesn't. God is on record:

If a man sheds blood, by man shall his blood be shed. — Genesis 9:6

Cain's life should have been forfeit. But God was merciful to Cain just as he had been merciful to Adam. And what we're beginning to see is this picture of God that emerges as a God that is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love.

And so when this woman comes to David and essentially lives out the Cain and Abel story, David who is angry and just and wants nothing to do with Absalom, this woman comes in and reminds him, "Hey, hey, hey, do you remember there was once another son who murdered his brother, and the God of all the earth, who is more just than you are, was merciful and didn't end his life." Do you get it? Whether David hears it or not, whether he recognized it as a Cain and Abel story or not, I'm not sure, but I suspect that he did. But in any case, he got the point that mercy triumphs over justice. Makes sense? That's what Cain and Abel is about. He should have been killed. And some of us are like, just cut off his head. And I get that. God is also just, but he is gracious, he is compassionate, he is slow to anger, he is abounding in love. And David's like, "I get it. Right? Send him home."

That's what the story is about. Okay? So go back to the narrative. That's what's going on with Cain and Abel. David recognizes first, before he knows that it's about himself, he recognizes the beauty of mercy. Right? Have you found that? Have you noticed that? That mercy is lovely when it's theoretical? That it makes sense that Chris should be merciful to Zach? Like, just be nice, Chris. That makes sense. But then when it comes back around to you, do you find it's harder? Or it's really nice when it's like, "You should be merciful to me." Right? We love that. But when it's like, "I should be merciful to this one who has angered me," is that a harder sell?

Okay. So that's how this works. Right? She tells the story. She lives it out, and David bites. He believes it. And he remembers, "That's right, the Lord, the Lord, holy. Right? But the Lord, the Lord, gracious. Right? Compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love." And David applies the story, and he says to the woman, "Yeah, I got you. Nobody can touch him." Just like Cain was given a mark so that no one could mess with him, God says, "Not only will I not judge you, not only will I be merciful to you, but I'm gonna give you a protection that nobody else can either." And David does the same thing. He says, "Listen, not only does he not need to have it, I will protect him." God protected Cain, the firstborn son, who was a murderer, and David is saying, "Your son will be protected as well." Get it? It's a trap. I mean, the poor guy, he just walks right into it.

Right? And then look at verse 12. The woman says, "Let your servant speak a word to my lord the king." Speak, he replied. Here it comes. Verse 13, the woman said, "Why then have you devised a thing like this against the people of God? When the king says this, does he not convict himself? For the king has not brought back his banished son." And right now, David is regretting allowing her to speak. Right? Because up until this moment, he didn't realize it was about him. And I'm sure he's thinking, "Nathan again. Joab, doggone, this is the second time that somebody told me a story, and I was too thick headed to realize it was about me." But it's too late.

And then this. This is my favorite passage coming right here. Look at this. "When the king says this, does he not convict himself? For the king has not brought back his banished son." Verse 14. Remember this. Memorize this. Second Samuel 14:14. It's easy to remember. Fourteen fourteen. Second Samuel 14:14. This is gold. Listen to this:

Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life. Instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him. — 2 Samuel 14:14

Isn't that gold? Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life. Instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him.

I have read that a hundred times because that is the Gospel. God is just. We are guilty before him of ten thousand things. And if we got what we deserved, if Cain got what Cain deserved, if Absalom got what Absalom deserved, there would be no hope for any of us. Right? And we will die. The ultimate effect of sin is absolutely death, and we are all born to die. So we all must die. Like when water spilled on the ground and it's not coming back, you can't suck it back out of the dirt. However, God doesn't take away life. He devises ways so that banished people—forget Absalom, okay? Think about you. He devised a way. He figured out a solution to this inexorable problem. He devised a way so that you and your banishment could be brought back near to him. That's exceptional.

And this wise woman from Tekoa, I don't even think that Joab put that part in her mouth. I think she figured that part out. God is gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love. And as he has been gracious to us and merciful to us, she's saying, "David, come on. Where is your grace?"

Where is your mercy? Don't you know you are not acting the way God's behavior towards us is—he doesn't banish. He restores us. We deserve to be cast apart, but he finds a way to bring us back. And sometimes the way that he devised is complex and painful. Sometimes it's extremely costly. But he devised a way so the banished would not remain estranged.

Look at verse 15. And now I have come to say this to my lord the king, because the people have made me afraid. Your servant thought, I will speak to the king. Perhaps he will do what a servant asks. Perhaps the king will agree to deliver his servant from the hand of the man who is trying to cut both me and my son from the inheritance God gave us. And now your servant says, 'May the word of my lord the king bring me rest. For my lord the king is like an angel of God, and he is discerning in good and evil. May the Lord your God be with you.' — 2 Samuel 14:15

This is the only time I read this in a commentary. This is the only time a woman in the Old Testament speaks a blessing over the king. I love this. Does that remind you of anybody else in the David story? Abigail. Right? So this is the second time—the Nathan thing is getting duplicated—this is the second time a godly and wise woman has spoken to the king, has spoken to the powerful one. When Abigail—I mean, her life could have been forfeit. For this woman to speak to the king and to rebuke the king, that is a risky move. This is twice now that God has used a woman to speak to this incredibly powerful person and to bring him to his senses. And I love this.

It seems to me that throughout the scriptures, God has roles for men and for women—tasks that he's given us to do. It seems relatively clear based on both the prescriptive and the descriptive texts that God has reserved the primary role of leadership in the church and in the home to men. But ladies, the Bible is filled with these pictures of godly women leading, of godly women using their unique positions of influence, this key role. A second time for a woman to move to the heart of the king. They are wise, they are courageous, they are godly, they are feminine, and they succeed where everybody else tends to fail. It's stunning. She's the only one that we see give this kind of blessing. And David, through her influence, just as it is through Abigail, is brought back to his senses and can finally get back on track, doing what is right for about ten minutes. And then he's going to blow it again because that's what he does. Right now David's in a rough place, but for a moment, he catches on.

Then the king said to the woman, 'Do not keep from me the answer to what I'm going to ask you.' The woman said, 'Let my lord the king speak.' And the king asked, 'Is this the hand of Joab with you in all this?' And she said, 'As surely as you live, my lord the king, no one can turn right or left from anything my lord the king says. Yes, it was your servant Joab who instructed me to do this and who put all these words in the mouth of your servant. Joab did this to change the present situation. My lord has wisdom like that of the angel of God. He knows everything that happens in the land.' — 2 Samuel 14:18-20

And then what happens in verse 22 that's kind of weird? Joab fell with his face to the ground to pay him honor, and he blessed the king. Did you all know that Joab was in the room? No. Isn't that interesting? It's like, is he behind the curtain this entire time? Like, this has to go well. Right? So whether he's hiding behind the curtain or whether he ambles into the room, Joab is grateful and he humbles himself. These guys, they've just spoken to the king. They've just rebuked the king. And they both kind of get back into curtsy mode, and they honor the king.

And David brings Absalom back. Victory. He's like the Lord again because Cain has been banished, Absalom has been banished, but God doesn't leave us estranged. He devises ways so the banished will not remain estranged, and he brings him back. Sort of.

What's going to happen next? Do you remember what the condition is on Absalom's return to Jerusalem?

He's got to live in his own house. Okay, watch it. Take a look at verse 23: Joab went to Geshur and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem, but the king said, 'He must go to his own house. He must not see my face.' So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king. — 2 Samuel 14:23

The Chief Good of the Gospel

Let me ask you this: what's the chief good of the gospel? What is the primary benefit that we have? Seeing God's presence.

These are not wrong answers. The primary good of the Gospel is God himself. What do you get? Well, you get a whole bunch of stuff. We get forgiveness—our record of wrongs is all erased. We get eternal life. Do you ever think about that? You're gonna live for like a billion years and then like a billion more. You think you're gonna live till you're 80, or 90, or maybe 103, but we're gonna live forever. So we get eternal life, we get forgiveness. What else do we get? Good to bring us present. Okay. Yes. And this is the punch line: At the end of the day, all of those—whatever we get, whatever is on your list—is merely a means to an end. The end is him. The purpose of forgiveness is the restoration of the relationship. Right?

So if Kelly and I are in a fight and I do something stupid and she forgives me, I don't just want arithmetic forgiveness. Right? I don't just want it where the books—I was in the negative and now I'm even and everything's great. I don't want that. What do I want? I want Kelly back. Right? When we're estranged, everything's just horrible. We're just miserable. Right? And I don't want her to say, "I forgive you, now leave." I want her to say, "I forgive you, now come." Right? You know this.

Eternal life—what's good about eternal life is not just that you get to live for a billion years, but you get to live for a billion years with him. Right? The chief good of the Gospel is him. We get him. We get to be with him. And when you use the language of relationship, you mean relationship with him. When the estrangement has ended, so it can be with him. We're in his presence because in his presence is him. Right?

It's a little bit like—it's better than, but it's a little bit like—in the Chronicles of Narnia, the best scenes. Read them if you haven't. My goodness, how many times have I told you this? Read them all, and the best scenes uniformly—what are the best scenes, Bill? When Aslan shows up endlessly. Why are those books so amazing? It's the lion, the great lion, the son of the emperor across the sea who saved Narnia and saved me. It's to be with him is what makes everything good.

And so David is trying. He forgives Absalom, but he denies Absalom. What does Absalom actually want? In particular, personified in whom? His dad. He wants his father back. And so the answer is, you are forgiven, you may not see my face. It's like, time out. What good is that? I mean, it's terrible. Absalom hates it.

Okay, watch what happens. And again, we're seeing David just—God bless him—like he's doing his best, but he's just terrible at everything now. Okay? Joab goes back, verse 24:

He must go to his house. He may not see my face. Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king. — 2 Samuel 14:24

Now, a little bit more on Absalom in just a minute, or a little bit more on the father thing in a second, but look what happens. Tell me what the narrator is trying to hint at here:

In all Israel, there is not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot, there was no blemish in him. Whenever he cut the hair of his head—he used to cut his hair from time to time when it became too heavy for him—he would weigh it, and its weight was 200. — 2 Samuel 14:25-26

I looked that up. Do you know how much that is? It's like four pounds or something. What does that even mean? Okay, that's crazy. Okay?

When you see in the Davidic narrative a really, really good-looking guy, what does that invoke for you? We should what? We should be king. Yes. And who was the last good-looking king? Saul. Okay. So in David's narrative, to be like super handsome is not good news. Okay? It's meant to be like, oh, look out. Hang on.

Then as he goes on, you're gonna see this. He's invoking the Saul versus David comparison. Remember that famous quote about David versus Saul in terms of their appearance?

David is ruddy. — 1 Samuel 16:12

Yes, right. But what does it say about man and the Lord about this appearance thing? Remember this line?

Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. — 1 Samuel 16:7

And Absalom is just this dude who looks good. Right? And so it's like, hang on, be careful. How about the hair, excessive hair? Where does that fit in the Biblical narrative? Esau perhaps might come up. What else? Samson. Samson, okay.

So all of these things are tags that are like, oh hang on—if we're saying, yeah, you know what, he reminds me a little bit of Saul with a little Samson and Esau mixed in, you should be thinking, oh, risky. Right? And indeed, we'll see more about this going on, but it's going to go really, really badly. It's going to fall apart. It doesn't need to fall apart.

I don't know if Absalom would have been a wretch if David had done everything right. Maybe. But Absalom is suffering from poor parenting, and things are going to continue to just unravel for him. He has a kid. What does he name his daughter? His sister, right? He loves his sister. Whatever helps Absalom get right is that he really loves his sister and he honors her. He cared about her, he provided for her, he honors his sister. But all the while, Absalom is dying because he misses his dad. He's been brought back, but not really. He's been forgiven. To what end? Who cares about mathematical forgiveness? He wants his dad back, and he can't get him.

Not only can he not get his dad, but Joab, who was the instrument of bringing him back, is no longer returning his calls. Absalom, you've got to give him points for being persistent.

Verse 28: Absalom lived two years in Jerusalem without seeing the king's face. — 2 Samuel 14:28

That's like seven hundred days in a row. That's a long time.

Absalom sent for Joab in order to send him to the king, but Joab refused to come. He said a second time, but he refused to come. Then he said to his servants, "Go set his fields on fire." — 2 Samuel 14

This is a good move right here. So he goes and he lights Joab's fields on fire. And then Joab came to Absalom's house and said, "Why have you set my field on fire?" Well, you're talking to me now, aren't you? It worked.

Absalom said to Joab, "Look, I sent word to you and said, 'Come here so I can send you to the king to ask: Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me if I were still there.' Now then, I want to see the king's face, and if I'm guilty of anything, let me be put to death." — 2 Samuel 14

Because forgiveness without restoration is worthless. Jesus did not forgive you so that your books could be rebalanced. He forgave you so that you could be restored to the Father, so that a relationship that has been in enmity could be fixed. And Absalom's like, this is garbage. I don't want this. Give me everything or just kill me. That would be better.

Absalom is still going to be a scoundrel, and it's going to be hard. We're always looking for the good guy. You're not going to find him. But what he wants is genuine restoration.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

So let's think about this. Where in your life have you forgiven somebody absent the reconciliation? Where have you said, okay, fine, we'll get rid of the record, but you may not see my face.

Sometimes you have to forgive people in your past. That doesn't mean you have to restore that relationship. You've forgiven them not for them, but for you, so that you're not holding on to the poison.

So think about the question first. Where have you forgiven somebody but you've not really restored the relationship? That thing falls into one of two categories. There's the category that says, yeah, but that was the right thing to do. And there's a place where you're supposed to do that. There are relationships that are unsafe.

What would be the condition where you would say, "I forgive you, however, you no longer get access to me"? When is that an appropriate decision? Abuse. Somebody who abused you, really badly. Maybe they hurt you when you were a kid. Someone who's abused you. When the relationship itself is fundamentally unsafe. They're a threat. There's not just pain in the past, but reentering into that relationship could bring further injury.

Is there a real category where you're allowed to forgive someone and then maintain a boundary because to not do so is to put yourself in harm's way? Yes. There's a place for that.

But is this what's happening with David and Absalom? I don't think it is. People can make that argument, though. Just to bring the nuance into it, because the way "safe" can encompass such a broad category. Reengaging with someone who hurt you emotionally is not safe. But there's a line between a clear and present threat—someone who is still malicious toward you—versus reengaging in something that is hurtful.

None of us are so omniscient and so wise that we can tell what the effect of a thing will be.

But my observation in my own life and in the lives of others is that very often when we keep that distance, it's not so much because I need to be safe as much as I just kind of like nursing the grudge. Right? And I just don't really want to do that. I don't want to forgive to that real extent.

There's absolutely a place for what Gary was talking about. There's a time that you say, I must be kept safe. And if that's your situation, the last thing I want to do is guilt you into going back into a dangerous situation. It's going to be risky, it's going to be harmful, and it's going to be not what the Lord wants you to do.

But I would invite you to be honest with yourself. Which situation is this?

The great irony—I don't believe that Absalom would have been a threat to David had he restored the relationship. The irony is that having not restored the relationship, Absalom becomes an enormous threat. David is going to let him back, but by the time David lets him back, we'll see in the next chapter, it's too late. Absalom is going to become a major threat to David's kingdom.

I don't think Absalom would have been the threat to David if David had treated him very differently in those two years. I think David had a window of time to do what was right and to love his son and to show the compassion and grace that he was trying to emulate, but he blew it. And because he blows it, Absalom is so embittered that he's going to try to take the kingdom from him. We'll begin to see more of that in the next couple weeks as we play it out. Make sense?

God's Call to Forgiveness

So in your life, consider: God has called you to emulate him. He is gracious. He is compassionate. He is slow to anger. He is abounding in love. He forgives. We are invited to follow him in that.

But when we do, there'll be a fork in the road. What does forgiveness look like? Is it real? Am I really getting back to his face? Are we pursuing the fullness of what he has, what he wants to have? Or is there a place for us to be safe? There is a place for that.

But be judicious about how quickly you move to this one on a false pretense because you really don't have the courage to genuinely forgive. Make sense?

That is two Samuel chapter 14, but in particular verse 14. Look at it.

Like water spilled on the ground, so we all must die. You're gonna die. That water can't be recovered. But God does not take away life. Instead, he devises ways so that a banished person will not remain estranged from him. — 2 Samuel 14:14

That is what he did for you, and that's what he invites you to do for others.