If You Love Me... | Dave Sloop

Judas, not Iscariot, said to him, Lord, how is it that you will manifest yourself to us and not to the world? Jesus answered him, if anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my father will love him and will come to him and make our home with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words and the word that you hear is not mine but the father's who sent me. The gospel of the Lord. Praise be to you, O Christ.

Thank you, Bob. Good morning, everybody. Good morning.

Well, for those of you that I haven't had the chance to meet, my name's Dave. I'm one of our pastors here, and we have been walking through the gospel of John together. Gosh, has it been a year yet? I don't know. It's been a long time, but it has been a rich time. We hope that that's been your experience of it.

And today, we're gonna be looking at 10 verses in chapter 14. And while it is 10 verses, we're gonna focus on the first three, and there's a reason for that. Because in these first three verses, Jesus is going to make three points, and then he is going to repeat those three points in verses 18 to 21, and then he's going to say the exact same thing again in verses 22 to 24.

I would much rather unpack the meaning behind what Jesus is saying and why he is being so repetitive here. But here's what I'd like to do: just to prove to you that this is accurate, we're gonna go through where these three recurring themes just keep showing up in these 10 verses.

Three Recurring Themes

The relationship between love and obedience. Here's where we see that. First of all, in verse 15:

If you love me, you will keep my commandments. — John 14:15

Again, in verse 21:

Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. — John 14:21

Again, in verse 23:

If anyone loves me, he will keep my word. — John 14:23

And then in the negative, in verse 24:

Whoever does not love me does not keep my commandments. — John 14:24

Whenever you hear someone repeating themselves over and over again, especially when that person is Jesus who is perfect, he is emphasizing something that he does not want us to miss. But as we'll see soon, it does not mean that we are not capable of misunderstanding what he doesn't want us to miss.

The disciples in the world. There is a contrast that he is highlighting between his disciples, these 11 guys—Judas has left—and the rest of the world. Look at what he says. First of all, in verse 17:

Whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees him nor knows him. — John 14:17

And then he says, you—could be in parentheses, however—know him. In verse 19:

Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. — John 14:19

In verse 22, this is Judas not Iscariot who picks up on this idea that we're supposed to see something that the world can't see. And he says:

How is it that you will manifest yourself to us and not to the world? — John 14:22

There's a contrast. His disciples can see something the world cannot.

The promise of his coming presence. It's perhaps the easiest one to catch. If there was a key idea in chapter 13, it was this: I am going away. The key idea in chapter 14 is, I'm coming to you. Listen to what he says in verse 16:

And I will ask the father, and he will give you another helper to be with you forever. — John 14:16

Verse 17:

Even the spirit of truth, for he dwells with you and will be in you. — John 14:17

Jesus says the spirit is coming, but then listen to what he says in verse 18:

I will not leave you as orphans. — John 14:18

He would go on to say, I will be in you. In verse 20, he says:

In that day, you'll know that I am in the father, and you in me, and I in you. — John 14:20

And then in verse 23:

We will come and make our home with him. — John 14:23

These are the three recurring themes: the relationship between love and obedience, the distinction between Jesus' disciples and the rest of the world, and third, the promise of his coming presence.

Three Questions

Here are the three questions that I want to answer as we unpack what this means. First of all: What is the relationship between love and obedience that Jesus wants us to understand? Secondly: What is the distinction? What is it that is different about his disciples from everybody else? And third: What does his coming presence have to do with those two things?

That's where we're going today. And we're gonna start by putting back up on the screen what Jesus says in verse 15:

If you love me, you will obey my commands. — John 14:15

I wonder how that sentence lands with you. I wonder how you hear it, because the truth is different people can hear the same exact words and hear entirely different things, especially when we don't have the benefit of inflection or tone.

For example, if I changed my inflection to this:

If you love me, you obey my commands.

Or maybe if I changed the words slightly, it would help you to capture what some of us might feel when we hear that.

If you love me, you'll buy me that new iPhone, dad. Or how about something a little more serious? If you love me, you'd spend more time at home with me and the kids. If you love me, fill in the blank.

Now, here's the deal. When somebody says those words to us, "if you love me," depending on who says it and what they mean when they say it, it can mean something completely different. But often when people use those words—"if you love me, you will"—what are they doing? Manipulating. You see, they are exploiting your desire for love or your desire to prove love by asking for something in return. It's an exchange that they're making. It's manipulation.

And the problem with that kind of relationship is you never quite know where you stand. You never know if you've done enough to actually prove it. Love becomes a moving target that's constantly eluding you.

Is that what Jesus is doing here? Of course not. And I would imagine that all of us, if we're just having a conversation, you would say, "Yeah, of course, that's not what Jesus is doing."

However, if you zoomed out from your life and you were willing to be honest with yourself about the voice that you imagine in your head that is Jesus speaking, does it sound like this? "If you love me, you would read your bible more. If you love me, you'd pray more. If you love me, you'd be more generous. You'd write a bigger check. If you love me, you'd be more selfless." And don't even get me started, Dave, on the things you shouldn't do because if you love me, there's a whole list of things that you wouldn't be doing if you love me that you are doing.

Now here's what's interesting about all those things I just said. They're all true. The error in what I just said is not in the substance of the claim, but in the posture of the way it's communicated and the one who's communicating it.

Is it possible that without even knowing it, Jesus has become a person who's standing over you, evaluating your behavior with his arms crossed and his foot tapping, saying, "If you love me, you'd prove it"? That Jesus somehow, without even knowing it, has become needy, and he needs you to prove your love to him?

And if that is your subconscious experience of Christ, can I tell you, it will be exhausting? Because love will be a moving target that will constantly elude you. You will never quite know if you've done enough to satisfy him, and you will eventually grow resentful.

Do you know why? Because the only thing that is more exhausting than trying to please or prove your love to a needy person that you can see is trying to prove your love to a needy god that you can't see. God is not needy, and this is not what Jesus meant.

Another Misunderstanding

There's another way that you and I can misunderstand this. This is probably a little more subtle and a lot more common, and it would be this: that when we hear "if you love me, you will obey me," what we actually hear is a definition for love. That love equals obedience. That obedience is the way to love him.

Now I need to be careful here because Jesus is going to say something remarkably similar to this in verse 21 when he says:

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me, and whoever loves me will be loved by my father. And I too will love him, and I will show or manifest myself to him. — John 14:21

He is telling you here, "Look, if you obey me, you will see me more clearly." Or as Jesus says in the sermon on the mount, "the pure in heart shall see God." That there's something about my obedience, my ability to see God—they're linked together. But that's not what I'm saying here.

What I'm saying is that obedience and love collapse into one another such that they become the same thing. That love equals obedience. That we substitute obedience for love. And when we do that, Christian experience becomes a to-do list. Read my Bible. Come to church. Go on the mission trip. Memorize the scripture. Write the check. Show up to the soup kitchen. Be nice to that person.

And here's the thing. Those are all good things. But in this scenario, I'm not trying to prove my love. I already have. Just look at my resume. You see? We have dragged obedience down to become something that is equivalent with love.

And here's the problem with that: I can do everything on that list without an ounce of affection in my heart towards God. Not a lick. Every single person in this room knows what it is to go through the motions, and it doesn't feel like love.

In fact, maybe some of you guys out there can relate to this experience. Think back to your high school days, or if you're in high school, think about yesterday. And maybe you were in a dating relationship, and you started to perceive that that girl you're dating, she's not into it anymore. Well, this is an experience that I had a number of times. And here's what it looks like...

All the ingredients of a healthy dating relationship, they're still there. You're still going on dates. You're still paying for dinner. You're still texting each other. You're still communicating and saying some of the words that you used to say, but the fire has gone out, and you're just waiting for her to tell you the truth. Whatever side you've been on of that transaction—whether you are the one who is going through the motions or receiving love from someone who is going through the motions with you—that doesn't feel like love. You know why? It isn't. Because love and obedience are not the same thing. They're just not. They are distinct. They are linked, but they are distinct, necessarily.

What Jesus Means: Love and Obedience

So what does Jesus mean when he says, "If you love me, you will obey my commands"? Well, before we answer that question, let's go ahead and define what love is. We all know what obedience is. It is compliance with a command. That is obedience, and it is part of the equation, and it's important, but it is not equivalent to love.

What is love? Love is when you treasure someone, when you actually prefer something or someone, when you value something. It's not by a conscious decision of your will, but just because you must—you have to. You value something over and above other things or people. Where you delight in someone or something. There's genuine satisfaction and enjoyment as you interact with that person. Just being in this person's presence, you love it. It's affection. There's something happening. It's delight. That is what love is.

And therefore, when Jesus says, "If you love me, you will obey me," what he's saying is this: He's not giving us a prescription for love. He is giving us a description of what those who love him will look like. There is an affection that leads to action, and it's consistent with that affection. If love is only action, it isn't love. But we need to say this too. If love is only an emotion, if it's only warm feelings and a sentiment that never turns into action, that's not what he's talking about either.

Jesus is saying that the fruit of genuine love is heartfelt obedience, not as a function of duty, but delight.

The Cake Illustration

I want to give you an illustration of this. This is Libby. I know my kids really well, and this is definitely Libby. This is her first birthday. And Libby was about to be introduced to a new affection. Can you guess what it is? She was about to meet cake.

And to prepare her for this experience, do you know what I did? This probably won't surprise you. I'm sure you do the same thing. I bought some books about cake so that I could help her understand and prepare her to know how she was supposed to interact with cake, the face she was supposed to make when she tasted cake, how she was supposed to enjoy it and delight in it. And then we took some classes, actually, for one-year-olds. We met up with some other kids down at the library, and we rehearsed it. Well, they didn't actually give them cake yet, but it was just like, "When you eat it, this is what it's supposed to look like."

Of course, we didn't do that because all I had to do was place the cake in front of Libby, and one taste settled the matter forever. And here's the deal. There was evidence of this new affection. It's all over her face. No one had to teach Libby how to love and delight in cake. It was a logical response to the natural properties in cake.

Now, I know that for some of us, this may feel like an oversimplified description and illustration of what it means to love God, but I'm not gonna let you off the hook that easy. And I'm gonna come back to it. But this is a whole lot closer to what love and delight is to be.

The Difference Between the World and the Disciples

The problem is that we aren't seeing clearly, and Jesus wants his disciples to know you're different. There's something different about you, which is the reason for the second repeated theme that we see. This is the contrast between the world and the disciples. He says, "You guys, you eleven guys, you see something that the world does not see yet, and that love and obedience flows from something that you're able to see."

Here's the language he uses about the world: They cannot see, receive, know, and therefore, they do not love, and they cannot obey. That's his description. But you, he says, are different. There's something different about you.

Now here's what most of us sense—the tension that most of us have probably sensed at this point. We know what it is to obey. In fact, the reason that we are so tempted as human beings to turn love into a chore is because we can do it. I can know that I'm succeeding. I might be dragging myself by my feet. I might be gritting my teeth.

I might not enjoy it, but I know that I'm doing it, and that's easy to measure. What's the problem with love? You cannot manufacture love. You can't make yourself love. You can make yourself do something, but you cannot make yourself love.

Let's go back to Libby. What if I put spinach, raw spinach—I didn't even wash it off in the sink. I just dirty raw spinach right on the tray, and I was like, just as good. No. Because it isn't. Now I could try to train her. "Libby, smile the same way when you eat. Remember the feeling when you ate the cake? Do that with this too." Friends, that's how many of us try to stomach the Christian life. Obedience without affection, that is not the equation. And if it is, it is miserable.

His Coming Presence

So why now? The repeated third recurring theme, which is his coming presence. I want to read to you verse 15 through 17 as an entire unit so you can see all of these themes working together. Here's what it says, starting at the beginning:

If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the father, and he will give you another helper to be with you forever, even the spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. — John 14:15-17

Now I just want to remember everything we've been talking about for the last five weeks has all happened in the same room on the same night, and this conversation that Jesus is having with them is no different. And what he has been saying up until this point is, I'm going away. I'm leaving. I'm returning to the father. And not only that, you cannot come with me. You cannot follow me where I'm going. I'm leaving. But then look at what he says in this next verse: I will not leave you. I will come to you. I'm leaving, and I won't leave you. What?

You see, what the disciples could not have possibly understood, but that we now have understanding of with the benefit of hindsight, is that Jesus was going away so that he could get closer. I can't wait to talk about this in John chapter 16. When we get to John 16, there is a promise that Jesus is going to give to his disciples. He just says it: "It is to your advantage that I go away because if I go, I will send my spirit." Jesus went away to get closer than our breath, and he says it's better. It's better than what they experienced when he was actually with them. Can you wrap your head around that?

Now here's what I want you to see. He comes closer, and here's the language that's used in this passage. First of all, if you love me, you'll obey me. In the very next verse, and I'll send a helper. Why? Because you can neither love me nor obey me. We can't do either.

Now most of us know that we have an obedience problem, but did you know that your bigger issue is not your behavior? It is your heart. Because a heart rightly oriented towards God wants to obey, and I want to prove this to you.

Back to the cake illustration. Some of us might have thought, okay, Sloop, come on. Are you telling me that loving Christ is supposed to be as instinctive and easy as eating cake? No, but yes. And here's what I mean by that. It's probably not any of our experience completely in this life, but I want you to know it will be one day. Christ is objectively better than anything you could possibly taste in this life. That is a fact. Do we experience the reality of that fact? No. But it's not because of Christ. It's because of us. There's something we're not seeing right.

In fact, in First John, I believe this is in chapter three, he says:

What we will be has not yet appeared, but we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. — 1 John 3:2

Paul would put it this way: "Right now, we know in part because we see him in part, but then we shall see him fully and know him fully even as we are fully known." To see him, friends, in all of his glory unfiltered, there's nothing more beautiful, nothing more worthy of your love and affection and delight. You won't be able to help it. You won't be able to contain yourself. It will be the natural involuntary instinct of your heart when you are face to face with Christ. The only difference between here and now is a limited ability to see what is objectively true.

He is the helper. And notice what Jesus calls him. He says, "even the spirit of truth." That's who he's sending. He's sending a helper and he calls him the spirit of truth. And earlier in this chapter, what does Jesus call himself in verse six?

I am the way, the truth. — John 14:6

Jesus says, I am the truth and I'm sending the spirit of truth. Here's how I take that. The one that Jesus sends to be with you and in you, one of his primary responsibilities is to illuminate the truth about who Jesus is.

He helps you to see what is objectively true about the God who made you and revealed himself in the person of Jesus Christ, the one that you were made by and for. And to respond to him in a love relationship is the very purpose of your existence. And if you have not tasted that, it is only because you have not seen him clearly. He comes to help you see.

I want you to think for a second about the new covenant, which is most clearly communicated in Ezekiel 36, verses 26 and 27. God says:

I'm gonna give you a new heart. I will give you a new heart, I will put a new spirit within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. — Ezekiel 36:26-27

God is saying here, you don't primarily have a behavior problem first that needs to be dealt with. You have a heart problem, which is to say your affections are for the wrong thing.

Jesus describes this phenomenon in the life of the world, and he says:

This is the verdict. Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. — John 3:19

In other words, this principle that we've been talking about regarding affection and action that corresponds to that affection—Jesus here is saying that's true even when you change the object of the affection. If you love God, you're going to have actions that look like it. And if you love the world, the same principle is true.

You and I have a heart problem. They call it a heart of stone, which means when God speaks, it just bounces off. I am not receptive to anything God says. I don't see the beauty there. I don't see anything worth honoring, delighting in because I'm dead spiritually. You gotta get a new heart so that you can see the truth about God.

But then the helper also comes to help you to obey. Do you see it here in the new covenant?

I will cause you to obey my statutes, to be careful to do everything that I've commanded. — Ezekiel 36:27

That's what he comes to do. He comes to help us see, and he comes to help us obey.

The Path to Change

And so if you're sitting here today, some of us might be thinking, no wonder the Christian experience is miserable because I've been trying to obey a god I never knew. I didn't love him. And if that's you today, today can be the day that changes everything.

God is not after creating a trophy of obedience out of your life. He wants you to love him, and you will. The byproduct of that will be you'll become a trophy. If you're enamored with him, if you're captured with him, if you're taken with his beauty, you will become different as a result.

So here's the question for those of us that do know him, and we're feeling anxious because we think, I don't have that kind of affection for God. Does that mean I'm not genuine? No. What it means is that you're not seeing the truth that the Spirit wants to help you see.

And so here's where we're gonna close. How do I cultivate affection for God that I don't presently have? I've already said the two things. I'm gonna repeat them because it's worth repeating.

First, you need to ask for his help to see. John Piper has a book called When I Don't Desire God, and one of the chapters in that book is: the fight for joy is primarily a fight to see. If we saw Christ for who he was, we would not help but obey.

But then secondly, we need to ask the Spirit for help to obey. Because there will be times, because we live in this world where we don't yet see him face to face, where we will be tempted to obey a different affection. And when we are tempted to do that—here's the last thing I would want you to hear me say today: that we need to wait for the affection before we obey. That is not what I'm saying.

Because sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to obey even when the feeling isn't there, provided that the motive underneath that obedience and that submission is in pursuit of love of a God that you're just not seeing clearly, and you know you're not seeing clearly.

And the beauty of verse 21—the promise when we obey, even when we don't feel it, to love him—Jesus says, that guy, I will show myself to that guy. Look, love without submission is a fairy tale. It doesn't exist. But hear this too. Obedience without affection, that doesn't exist either. He requires both, and he provides what's needed to see that it becomes a reality for you and not just something we talk about at church.

The Goal

The goal of life is not to become someone who does what he commands, but rather to become someone who loves the one who commands us.

Let's pray. Father, we can't do this work. So you have sent a helper, and he is real, and he is in this room, and he's in our hearts by faith.

God, I pray that we would stop pretending that love equals following a to do list, and that we would begin with the help of your holy spirit walking out the reality of your goodness and your beauty and your worth. Lord, we need your help to see it, not just so that we'll be compliant, but so that we will be captivated. It's in Christ's name that we pray. Amen.