Episode 301: Settling Family Disputes Inside the Family | +Quigg Lawrence

Good morning, friends. Good morning. We are in 1 Corinthians 6, but first, somebody stole my frock. Let me just tell you, some people get all upset about robes. Well, judges wear robes. Policemen wear uniforms. Firemen wear uniforms, but it's not a rule. So today, I'm not wearing my robe just to say it's not a rule. There's nothing in the Anglican world that says you have to wear a robe. Okay? Cool.

My wife and I just came back from Japan. It's a pretty awesome country. It is super clean. They are super respectful. I'm not saying they do everything well, but we could learn a few things from them. Why do we go on such a long trip? I mean, holy cow, it was brutal. It's like they're already Monday morning right now. Monday afternoon. Why do we go on such a trip? To see the air.

Here he is, little Barrett Fleet. See, from Adam all the way down through me to my son Fleet, there were Lawrences in that line. And sadly, my son—well, happily, he had two amazing girls—but there was nobody to carry on the Lawrence line unless they could convince their husbands to use their name. And so we prayed for just another Lawrence, a male Lawrence to be the heir to the throne, and there he is. Barrett was born with heart arrhythmia, pretty serious—two hundred sixty beats a minute. They whisked him right out of his mother's arms and took him to a hospital that only speaks Japanese. She did not see her son for about an hour and two weeks. But look at him. Looks pretty healthy to me. Praise God. He is on medicines, but we're praying for a full healing.

It's not all about Barrett. We also went there to see Emmy, the tallest, oldest blonde girl, and to see little Sage. We call her Winky or Doodlebug. Okay. So that was awesome.

On the left, I actually got the chance to preach in a Japanese church. Now, see if you can get your mind around this. Way under 1% of the population are Christians. If you take anybody of any stripe or denomination, they're still way under 1%. There's like 0.3 to 0.4% biblical Christians in Japan. I think most of those are probably in Tokyo and a few other places, which means where my son and his family live, it's a hard thing to be in the military overseas. You don't speak the language, and you can't even talk to your family very well. But anyway, there's a little church there. They've got about forty believers, and they wanted to learn about the gospel. Half the people in the church aren't Christians. They're just interested. But they're weighing the whole idea of, if I embrace this Jesus, my family will turn me away. And so maybe everything that sparkles and looks so clean and respectful in Japan is maybe not as good as we think it is.

But anyway, I got the privilege to do that. And also, there's fleet squadron flying around Mount Fuji. Fleet says that they are on the tip of the spear, and they're primarily the ones preventing you from having to speak Mandarin and be under communist Chinese rule. So if you've never prayed for the military—not only for those who wear the uniform but for those who serve, the spouses, the children—it is hard and they pay a price and don't ever forget it.

Now, I'm not military. I'm a wannabe military. I do admissions for Naval Academy. I was hoping they'd give me a uniform for that. I like uniforms. As you can tell, I like uniforms.

One of the things I learned from the military is BLUF, which stands for Bottom Line Upfront. Sometimes when you hear me preach, don't you just wish—quick, what is the point? Could you just tell me the snapshot, the elevator thing, and just what are you trying to say? In the military, it's bottom line up front. What are you trying to tell me? Then you can give me more details and maybe tell me again, but what are you trying to tell me?

The Bottom Line Upfront

Here's the bottom line up front for 1 Corinthians 6: Paul's instructing the Corinthian Christians not to go to secular courts to right a perceived wrong or grievance with a fellow Christian. Right? So he's not saying if there's a murder, if somebody set your house on fire, if there's a criminal thing, he doesn't say not to go to court. But for these more trivial matters—you hurt my feelings or you stole something from me or you defrauded me—those things should be settled in the household of God because we have people in our body that have wisdom from on high. We have believers who have the Holy Spirit.

Now, wait a minute, Quigg. Are you saying that you don't appreciate judges and lawyers and all the many people in our congregation who toil as an act of worship day in and day out?

I know we have at least three judges and we had one before that. So, at least four judges that I know of from our church that serve, and it is hard, and they need our prayers. That's why often when we pray, you'll hear me call out for judges, for those who serve in the court systems, for guardian ad litems. So we love them. We thank God for them.

But at the end of the day, Paul is speaking to the Corinthians some truth we need, and that is: don't take family business outside the family. Because what you're going to do is you're going to embarrass the cause of Jesus Christ. When you have everything you need for life and godliness inside the church to settle these minor grievances and disputes.

Paul Is Not Against Secular Courts

Paul is not saying secular courts are bad. How do you know this? Did Paul ever go to a secular court? Did he ever appeal to a secular court? "I appeal to Caesar." Right? He was before Festus and so many others. He was proud of being a Roman citizen, and he didn't hate the courts. He's thankful for them. You see that in Acts, but also in Romans 13.

Let me show you. Paul is not against secular courts. He's not against authority. Quite the contrary. Let's look at Romans 13, verse one:

Let every person be subject to governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore, whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed and those who resist will incur judgment. — Romans 13:1-2

It gets even better. Verse three:

For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good and you will receive approval. For he is God's servant for your good. — Romans 13:3-4

Bottom line up front: Paul's telling the church in Corinth—this group that thought they were really wise or really spiritual—you guys are embarrassing Jesus. You're embarrassing yourselves. You're embarrassing the church, taking your Jerry Springer squabbles out into the marketplace, from sun up to sun down. It would be like here in Roanoke, down by the wiener stand in Downtown Roanoke where they're going to have the gospel thing today. What he's saying is, stop doing that. You've got everything you need. You're embarrassing yourselves. You're shaming yourselves.

Context Matters

A sermon without context can get very dangerous. In 1 Corinthians 5, there's sexual immorality in the church. I'd like to remove this if I could, but I can't, because I like judging other people. It's really fun. Except the Bible says, whatever scale you use to judge people, you yourself will be judged by the same scale.

In 1 Corinthians 5, it's saying this: What business is it of mine to judge those who are outside of the body of Christ, outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside the body of Christ, in the church? Don't judge the nonbeliever. Let your judgment begin in the household of God, and maybe with yourself. God will judge those outside.

I think we don't believe that. Because we want God to be like a microwave. I push the button, I want the judgment, and I want it now. And if I don't get it now, I'm going to take it back into my own hands. "Expel the wicked person from among you."

The Issue of Grievances

Now, back to 1 Corinthians 6, beginning at verse one:

When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? — 1 Corinthians 6:1

Does that ever happen? That never happens in your family, does it? Ever go on a family vacation to the beach and pack everybody in together? If you want to see if people have sin nature, go on a family vacation. Get all the siblings, all the children and grandchildren, put them all together. You're going to find there's sin nature in all of us.

What he's saying is this: if you're in Jesus, you are given the righteousness of Christ. Not because you deserve it—it's 100% a gift. He gives you a robe of righteousness, bought with his blood by his death on the cross. So you're no better in your flesh than an unbeliever. Neither am I. But it's what Christ has given us. He's dressed us, clothed us in his righteousness.

But those who don't have what Christ has won on the cross—they may be nicer than you, but they don't have his righteousness.

And so Paul's like, why would you go to people who do not know the Lord, who do not have the Spirit's wisdom, who can't discern things of the spirit? Why would you run to them embarrassing Jesus and his church and lay all your dirty family laundry out in the public square?

So he says:

When one has a grievance against another, he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints. — 1 Corinthians 6:1

Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to judge trivial cases? — 1 Corinthians 6:2

No. No. Bob Williams taught me this. I'm confused because, hold on, in 1 Corinthians 5, it just told us not to judge those outside the body of Christ. Right? Are you remembering that correctly? And now, it sounds like, in the future, we are going to be inside of Jesus, we are going to be judging both the world and angels. Do you see that apparent disconnect?

So let's try to figure this out. Do you not know that the saints—that means God's kids, those whose lives are hidden in Christ, who are born again, had the new birth, Christians, the saints—will judge the world. Now, how does that happen? The Bible is very clear that God the Father has committed all judgment to the hand of his Son. All judgment. When Jesus came the first time, he said, "I came not to condemn but to save." But when he comes again, he will come to judge. There will be a judgment.

Now, I don't know how we're going to judge the world as Christians and how we're going to judge angels. Some scholars—I've read a million commentaries, way too many on this—some say it's because we're in Christ and just like you're gonna rule and reign with Christ because you're in Christ. You literally are in Christ and his spirit is in you. So, as Jesus who's been given judgment by the Father, he and his bride who's inside of him, Christ will judge the world and angels. And you that are in his body, the body of believers will be part of that. Do you see that?

Now, again, commentators have a million different other explanations. We see in Daniel, some whisper that God's people will judge the unbeliever. I think it's Daniel 7:22. You can check me out on that. We hear whispers of it in Matthew 19. But the bottom line is, as we look at 1 Corinthians 6, what we know is we who are in Christ will judge the world. We will judge angels.

Do you have a problem with self-esteem? Let me just throw this out to you. In Christ, the Lord is gonna allow you to partake of the righteous judgment of the world and of angels. I didn't make that up. Paul wrote it under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

And so he says this:

Don't you know that the saints will judge the world and if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we're to judge angels? How much more than matters pertaining to this life? And so, if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? — 1 Corinthians 6:2-4

Do you see the irony? What do you know about Corinthians? Go. We're playing Jeopardy. Go. Corinthians, what are they famous for other than living in Corinth? Sexual immorality. What else? Getting drunk during communion. People having their father's mother. They were also very spiritually proud.

So, do you not find it a little ironic that this church in Corinth that was so proud of their wisdom and their spiritual knowledge is being called out for being a fool, for taking these trivial matters? Because aren't you guys wise enough to even handle these little petty grievances that you got to do the Jerry Springer, Judge Judy thing down in the public square? He goes, guess you're not as wise as you think.

He says:

Why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? — 1 Corinthians 6:4

I don't think he means being on the roll of a church. I think what he's saying is, only the church has the spirit of the Lord. So the wisdom that's from on high—Solomonic wisdom, Jesus kind of wisdom—he gives by the spirit to those in his body. You have everything you need for life and godliness. So use your gifts. Do it in the church. Don't do the family business outside the family.

In verse 5, he's pretty worked up. He says:

I say this to your shame. — 1 Corinthians 6:5

You know, coming from Japan, which is a respect culture and a shame culture—I know very little about Japan. I can tell you everything I know about Japan in about three seconds. But it's very apparent to me talking to their pastor that there's a respect shame culture in Japan. And because of this, nobody wants to bring shame on themselves or their family. And so, if they're depressed or if they're having hard things, they just hide them. They just hide them.

I felt like a lot of times it looks so pretty on the outside, but inside these Japanese friends are hurting, right? Because they don't want to shame themselves or shame their parents. And in fact, if you leave Shintoism or Buddhism and you come to Christ, there's a very good chance your family will never see you again. And that's why the church there is pitifully small.

So if you have these cases, why do you lay them at the feet of ungodly people?

He says, "Say this to your shame. Can it be that there's one among you who is wise enough to settle a dispute between brothers?" — 1 Corinthians 6:5

Yeah. But verse six, it says:

"But brother goes to law against brother and that before unbelievers." — 1 Corinthians 6:6

Now, I hate it when people in church say, "If you did this, raise your hand, right?" Kind of ouch people. I don't really like that. So I'm not going to ask you to raise your hand. I'm not going to ask you to stand up, but I will ask you to just kind of privately wink at me if this is true of you. Okay? So I'm not going to out you.

If you've ever been in a lawsuit over money or being defrauded, or maybe siblings with inheritance kind of issues, if you've ever instigated one of those or been on the other side of it, called into court because of that, give me a little wink. Some of you aren't telling the truth. Okay. I'll admit, I've been in there. I've been in multiple cases. I have a high level for justice. Right? And so if somebody defrauds me, man, it's like deaf content. I'm going to bring the whole kit and caboodle. I'm gonna lawyer up, buddy, and you're gonna do right. I'm gonna make sure you do right.

No names and tales, but we had a brother in Roanoke, a Christian who—it wasn't a Ponzi scheme, but he defrauded. He stole well over a million dollars from people like me and my son and a whole bunch of other people. I took in my tax guy, he goes, "Well, you weren't the only one." And you know what? I wasn't thinking about bringing it to the church. In my heart, I harbored such—it wasn't hatred, but it was like, this man is a wicked man. And so rather than come to church, I just lawyered up. End of the day, he gets smacked on the wrist. Yeah, he did it and nothing. Nothing. And what an embarrassment to see Christians from multiple churches who had been defrauded by this man fighting out in a court of law.

So I failed, but I don't want to fail again. And Paul is telling, not only the Corinthians, I believe, because they're all dead—I believe this is for us. And he says:

"To have lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you already. It's a defeat." — 1 Corinthians 6:7

And he says this, and this is so against my nature. He goes:

"Why not suffer a wrong?" — 1 Corinthians 6:7

Because I don't want to. When somebody punches me in—it happened in eighth grade. I was small. I was like normal size and everybody grew and I didn't. And I got beat up like 60 times and I learned to fight. Right? You say something about my dad, I'm going to punch you. You're going to make fun of me for being small. Okay. We're going to go for it. I got in so many fights in eighth grade. Little tiny little boy, not even in puberty yet.

And so I know what it is to like try to get even. And God says, "Vengeance is mine and mine alone." And I'm like, "Yeah, but Lord, I don't see you do anything. So I'm just going to handle this. If you don't mind."

So he says, "Why not suffer wrong?" You see, ultimately, this world is not your home. It's not. Man, I mean, my dad died at 74. My grandfather died at 74. I'm 64. Do the math. It's not much longer. Not much sand left to go through the hourglass. We have an inheritance that is not of this world, that's not perishable. And yet we fight like pagans.

Have you seen it in families when the last parent dies? Have you seen this? Maybe you've seen it in your family. Where one sibling wants all the stuff and he cheats the other ones. Have you seen that? And so we lawyer up. We don't turn the other cheek. We don't trust that God is going to take care of all things, that the crooked things he's going to make straight. We don't believe in that. We push the microwave buttons and it doesn't happen, so we take it into our own hands.

And what he's challenged us to do is: Why not rather be defrauded and let the name of Christ and the cause of Christ not be shamed in the public square? Work it out in the church. I've given you pastors. I've given you wise laypeople. Work it out in the church.

"To have a lawsuit with each other is already defeat. Why not suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud, even your own brothers." — 1 Corinthians 6:7-8

Now, here's a remote passage. In sixty-four years of being on this planet, I've never heard a sermon on this. Never. In thirty-nine years of being a pastor, I've never preached on this.

Nobody preaches on this passage because I think we don't believe that vengeance is the Lord's and that he will take care of everything. I think we believe this world is our home and so we will fight tooth and nail to get what is ours. And yeah, Jesus says turn the other cheek. Yeah, I'll turn it and come up with a flying kick.

Friends, I just want to ask you personally—because again, the Corinthians are dead—is there a place right now in your life where you're taking vengeance into your own hands? Where you're going to say, "I will never ever let that person defraud me again"? Not that you can't speak truth, but do it in the household of God with all that's been given us. Don't do the Jerry Springer show.

Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.