414: Jesus' Instruction on Broken Relationships | +Quigg Lawrence

Introduction

I don't know if you guys have heard of the East African revival. So East Africa would be like Rwanda, Burundi, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda. And apparently in the 1920s, the church, so missionaries had come from England and the church had gotten dead. There's no life, had a form of godliness but no power. They were playing church but not making many disciples. The clergy were not even sure some of them were believers.

And so one of the missionaries, I think his name was Joe Church, which is kind of a strange name for a missionary, Joe Church. In 1929, he was over in Gahini, Rwanda, and we've actually been there. You don't know it, but you guys gave money to help build a cathedral and a center for the East African revival. It was a major move of God. Think 1906 Azusa Street. Think maybe the charismatic movement or the Jesus movement in the sixties. It was a big deal, probably bigger than those.

And so basically, they were so grieved that the church was dead. Just like a walking pretty dead thing. That they were seeking the Lord together. They had Bible study and God began to move and God began to move not only in their lives but in the lives of people in Rwanda, Uganda, Tanzania, Kenya. Many of our bishops, their grandparents came to faith from paganism because of the East African revival.

The Marks of the East African Revival

And here are the marks that they saw. They preached a personal conversion to Christ. In other words, it's not enough to have ideas about God in your head. It's not enough to sit in a pew. It's not enough to join a church. Christianity at its root is about having a relationship with Jesus. With Jesus.

So they preach conversion and salvation. That's number one. Number two, they preached holiness and sanctification. And every time I hear the word holiness, I gotta be honest with you. Not a word I immediately like. Because when I think of holiness, I think of like monks and Mother Teresa and serious people. But this is what I know. While we may initially react against holiness, I'd much rather be in a place of godly legitimate holiness than unholiness. I swam in both pools and it's a gift of God to walk in his ways.

The third one was the authority of scripture because what they saw is that the preachers had grown lukewarm in their love and knowledge of the scriptures. And they would start quoting other things or poetry or books, they weren't preaching God's word. But at the East African revival, they started teaching and preaching and they had a high view of the scriptures.

The next thing that marked the East African revival was personal evangelism. Like that really is, Jesus wasn't kidding in the Great Commission when he said, Go, go make disciples. And these guys in 1929 just took the Lord at his word and they just started doing it. They probably weren't very good. They weren't maybe erudite or even that winsome. They just did it because that's what you do if you love Jesus. And God started to win people to himself through their humble efforts of evangelism.

They saw the disunity and the backbiting in the church. And they're like, No wonder nobody wants to be a Christian. Look at the mess we're making. And so they prayed like Jesus did, the high priestly prayer. Lord, make us one that we all may be one, whether we're Presbyterians and Anglicans or Methodists or Roman Catholics or what have you, we would all be one, all who confess Christ.

And then the last one was, you've heard the saying, you don't want to be so heavenly minded. Have you heard this? You want to be so heavenly minded that you're no earthly good. And so I never realized, Brian, Barb, I never realized why all the African bishops always talk about holistic ministry. It's kind of like a buzzword. You just keep hearing it over and over. Well, it came from the East African revival. And they're like, it doesn't do any good to teach people about Jesus if they're starving to death. Give them something to eat. Give them clean water, build schools, take care of widows, take care of orphans. It's what Christians do.

And so these marked the East African revival.

The Tragedy of the Country’s Past

Now, what I will tell you is in the very same country where the East African revival started, and there was a blaze from 1929 almost to like 1940, it's the exact same country that had genocide in 1994. Did you ever think about that? The country where God birthed one of the greatest moves of God ever is the same country where one out of eight Rwandans were butchered to death.

I don't like to get into details because some of you are squirmy, and they have a squeamish stomach. But our bishops would tell the stories of when they were young boys, they were hiding in the bush. They hadn't had clean water. They hadn't had food. Some of them for two weeks hadn't eaten. They'd seen their loved ones killed. There was rumors that the blood in the Colosseum was running up to the calves, so many people were butchered.

They would tell Christians, Hey, if you want to be safe, go into your church. This happened in rural churches, it happened in Kigali and big churches. Go in your church and you're going to be safe. And you know what they did? They hammered wood over the doors and over the windows and they set the churches on fire.

And so you see a place where God started to move. And then by 1994, they're butchering each other. We can't live on yesterday's relationship with Christ. Revival, it's no good if it just pops up like a Roman candle. Like we got to have roots and we got to keep walking in it. I want, if you guys would, I want you to turn to Matthew 18. And I think that if the East Africans, if they had spent more time in Matthew 18, maybe genocide would not have happened.

But I know this Mahatma Gandhi, you've heard of him, he's from India, Right? You've heard of him? They asked Mahatma Gandhi because he was Hindu and he did not he was not a Christian. He's a bright man. He had a lot of characteristics of a godly man. And they said, well, why don't you just embrace Jesus Christ? He goes, you're Christ I love. It's your Christians I don't love so much because they don't look much like they're Christ.

Could you imagine if Mahatma Gandhi had met Jesus? Could you imagine?

The Issue of Division and Conflict

And so we see one of the stains on the church. One the cancers in the church is division and conflict. Now there's always been division, there's always been conflict, read the book from the front, almost from the first page to the last, there's division, there's conflict. So that's no surprise. But the question is, how do we deal with it?

And the reality is most of us don't deal with it, or we deal passively with it, where if I'm mad at somebody, I just stay mad and I go, what a jerk he is. Or if it's really bad, I'm like, you're dead to me, dude. You're dead to me. And I know this, this isn't hypothetical. Like as nice as I am, I'm generally pretty nice. You know, I got a wicked flesh. And there was a time in this church where our church almost divided right down the middle because I could had glasses only to see one of my assistant's faults. And he had the same glasses on looking at me. And it just got uglier and uglier and uglier until the very name when we would hear the other one's name, it kind of made us sick. And it divided this church and it divided other churches and people were like, what kind of witness is that?

Matthew 18 and Christ’s Instruction on Resolving Conflict

And I want to take you to Matthew 18, and I'm happy to report that God in his time, one day spoke to me he goes, it's over. What do you mean it's over? Lord, do you know what this man has done? Blah, blah, blah. God said, stop. It's over. Call your brother up. Go put your arms around him and make peace with him. You know, when God did that, there was nothing else to say. I picked up the phone, and God did all the heavy lifting.

So let's look in Matthew 18. I want you to when you hear Matthew 18, your mind should be going, yes, I know that chapter. Even if you're not like a Bible scholar, there's certain passages in the Bible you know. Like if I go Genesis one and two, you're gonna say, yeah, I know what happens in Genesis one and two, what? God creates the heaven and the earth, right? How about if I say John 15, what comes to mind? I'm the vine, you're the branches. How about Proverbs 31? Think about the Proverbs 31 woman, right? On and on and on and on.

But when you hear Matthew 18, something should come into your mind. There's a lot of good stuff in that chapter, but something like immediately comes to my mind. It is when there's a sin against a brother, when a brother sins against a brother, there's instruction from the Lord on how to deal with it.

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. And if he listens to you, you've gained your brother. — Matthew 18:15

How to Address Conflict

We want to unpack this just a little bit. The thing I love about the scriptures is that they're so honest. This whole idea, if your brother sins against you, like it's going to happen, it has happened. I don't think there's a person here who hasn't had a Christian brother or sister sin against them. Like it's a reality in this broken world. And so there's no debating that that happens. The world is broken. Relationships are broken. Some of us don't even speak to our relatives or to our friends or somebody who has a different political persuasion for Pete's sake.

But it says this, if your brother sins against you. If who sins against you? Help me, y'all. If who? So this is instruction for Christians. It's for believers in Jesus. Now, do the principles, do they apply for anyone that takes breath on the planet? Yes, but that's not who it's written to. It's written to Christians. It says, If your brother sin. So we got to remember in the church, in the body of Christ, that that person is not your enemy, they are in fact your brother or your sister. Don't ever forget, they are in Christ, they're your brother, they're your sister.

But if your brother sins against you, what are you to do? Notice it doesn't say, what are you not to do? Let me just ask you that, what are you not to do? Slander, gossip, nasty grams, eight-page letters, single-spaced handwritten, flame them on Facebook, flame them on Instagram, flame them on Snapchat, flame them on. Or just, you just ignore them. Just the thought of them makes you sick and they're dead to you. But it says, if your brother sins against you, your job is to go. You have one job, the Lord gives you. Your job is to move towards them.

Recently, Sloop and I have been talking. And one of the things Sloop learned in young life and through scripture is when there's conflict, you move towards it. Now maybe you're like me and you've been brought up in a house where there was a lot of conflict and you have some scar tissue. I see you. I get it. I really do. But you know what? This doesn't say if you had a perfect home.

This is instruction for all believers. And so I need to stop making excuses about the conflict I grew up with and just see what the Lord says. If you have a brother that sins against you, if you're cut off from a brother, you move towards them, not because they're worth it, but because the Lord commands it. If your brother sins against you, you go to them. Now, how do you go to them? What does it say? If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault.

Well, basically most of us read them, we go like, okay, I'm gonna set you straight. I've been rehearsing this in my mind for six months, all your fault, and I'm gonna lay you out, brother, in Jesus' name. So it says, Go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. So Jesus is intimating that this is a private moment. This isn't social media. This is a private moment where you go in obedience to Christ and you surface the submarine. You say how you feel like he's or she's sinned against you.

Now, what the Lord talks about is what to do? You move to a brother. You go to a brother. But what he doesn't say so much is how. How do you move to a brother? Because I know when I've done it a lot of times, I'm so self-righteous because I can only see what I can see and Satan's clouding my vision. And then my heart's not right. And so when I go, I go with one of these, trying to set them straight. But I would say we need to glance at a couple other scriptures. Let's look at this.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him. Should restore him how? Gently. It’s the kindness of God that leads to repentance. — Galatians 6:1-2

It’s the kindness of God that leads to repentance. He modeled it in the way he's shown you his kindness. So we also are to show kindness.

Galatians also says, You are spiritual. If you're so spiritual, restore them gently and watch yourself because you may also be tempted.

The Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. And God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, so that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil. — 2 Timothy 2:24-26

It's you restore them, you do it gently, you correct your opponents gently, that perhaps God would turn them back to himself.

Second Thessalonians 3 says this, If anyone doesn't obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person and have nothing to do with him that he may be ashamed. So it's pretty harsh. But then in verse 15, it gives you context. It gives you the attitude with which you do discipline or you do the hard thing. It says, Do not regard this man as an enemy but warn him as a brother.

Do not regard this man as an enemy, but warn him as a brother. — 1 Thessalonians 3:15

See what Gandhi saw with so many C, the reason there's so many empty seats in every church is because we're not looking much like our Christ. And if we move to somebody, we're doing that rather than coming humbly, seeking to make a relationship.

And the last one is this, Ephesians 4:14 and following. It says, We no longer want to be children tossed to and fro by the waves carried out by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness and deceitful schemes. They're talking about false teachers.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. — Ephesians 4:15

It says, rather speak the truth in love. So do you see the pattern? Gentleness, love, humility. When you go to a brother, this is what I suggest. It's not in the text, but it's certainly inferred in these other passages.

When you go and try to show a brother or sister the offense or their fault, the first thing you ought to do is pray, Lord, you search me. You try me. See, I know because when Dave Fuller and I were going at it, all I could see is his fault and he could see mine. The problem was I had a beam in my eye. Jesus says, remove the beam or plank from your eye and then and then only can you see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Now, let's go to verse 16, we gotta hurry. But what happens if you go to that person and you've been really kind and gracious and gentle and loving and they just don't respond? That happens. Happens a lot. I had one man early in this church. He was mad at me. I didn't know why he was mad at me and I humbly knelt down beside him one day and I'm like, dude, it's clear like you're furious at me. I don't know why you're mad at me. And I said, would you please tell me so I can make this right? He goes, nope. To this day, would never tell me.

And so verse 16 says, if you go to a person but they don't listen, they're defensive, they don't see it, maybe they can't see it. But if they don't listen to what you bring in gentleness, it says, take one or two others. Now why would you do that? Are you ganging up on them? Again, the whole purpose is reconciliation. Right? To bring a brother that's that's lost or walking in sin, to bring them back to the Lord and to this relationship.

And it says, if but if he refuses to listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. You know what? When you go and try to do correction and you try to work something out, we don't care so much about your feelings. Feelings are overrated. What we need is the truth. What we need is evidence spoken with love and gentleness.

And so you take one or two others why? To establish by the evidence what these witnesses will be able to hear and report.

All right, so let's go to verse 17. Now, what if you take one or two others, and it's really good because like that person may be furious with you, but they're probably not furious with the other two. That's why God says bring one or two others. Again, we're not shaming them. We're not putting billboards all over Roanoke saying what a jerk this person is. But we're trying to work. We start with one, then we go to one or two others. We're trying to win them back. We're trying to clear the air. We're trying to bring the unity of the bond of peace.

But it says in verse 17, if he refuses to listen to them even, now at this point you tell the church. You guys, I have to admit, our church hasn't done a good job of this. We've kind of interpreted this the way modern people do, you know. Telling the church is telling the lay leaders. Because I mean, Lord have mercy, you never want to bring somebody up here and flog them and put them on a pole, right? Never want to like publicly shame them. Well, sounds very reasonable unless you're concerned about their soul.

The whole idea of church discipline is not to shame people. It's to come out of darkness into light and in love to have the Lord work through you to bring this person out of this sin and restore relationship. So it says, if he refuses to listen to you, the church. And if they refuse to listen even to the church, what's the last step? This sounds so mean. What's the last step? You go humbly, then you take one or two others, then you tell the church and they still refuse to listen. What's the loving and right thing to do according to Jesus? You treat them as a tax collector or a sinner.

Now I've seen this misused in a lot of churches. I've seen it misused a lot, but really what Jesus is saying is my goal is to restore relationship. And if for a season we need to put them out of the church, it's not because we hate them. It's not because we don't love them. It's because we so love them. We want to see the Lord do his work. We want the Holy Spirit to work because they're clearly not able to hear from us.

Maybe two other things and we'll stop. The great St. Augustine wrote in like April, this is an old guy, he wrote this. Our Lord admonishes us not to overlook one another's faults, yet not so as seeking for the matter of blame, but watching what you may amend. For our rebuke should be done in love, not eager to wound, but anxious to mend.

For brother doesn't listen, you're not to harden your heart. You're not to count him as dead to you. You're to do church discipline humbly with love. There should be tears coming from your eye. There should be an awareness that you, like Paul, that you are the chief of sinners, and you're not there to set him straight, but to be a vehicle for the Lord to win him back. It says, deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of his flesh so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.

Conclusion

Let's make it personal. Let's make it personal. Who's that person for you? Who's the Christian that you're at odds with? Maybe you hate him, or maybe you've moved actually past hate, I would say deeper than hate. Mother Teresa says, The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. Who's that person that is dead to you? Who's that person when you see their face or you think about their name, it makes you sick? Who's the person that if you see them in Kroger, you're going the other way? Who's that brother or sister?

You have two choices. You move towards them humbly in love, you know, East African style. The Africans would tell me, the bishop say, we still do this. If I'm at odds with a brother, we take a walk. And the bishop said, Sometimes they're very long walks. He said, We've known brothers that have walked for hours. In the East African revival, brothers walked for days. They were so mad at each other. Can you imagine walking with somebody that you're furious with for hours or even a day and work it out? Let God use you to work it out.

So who's that person? Would you move towards them and follow Jesus' counsel? Or do you want to live in that other city, a city that's ugly and painful and really messed up? In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.