Sunday School | Panel - Flourishing Family Tips

Introduction

Alright. You could go ahead and grab your seats. We're gonna go ahead and get started. And if you are sharing today, come closer. Come up here. We are gonna get to hear from a bunch of different people. You guys can grab seats right here. I'm so excited about our class today. I think one of the greatest gifts of being a part of a church body like this is that God is writing a story with each one of us and our families, and we know that.

But we're gonna get to hear from a few different families today. Basically, I asked them to share if what was one thing that you feel like, over the course of raising your family while they were in your home, what was one thing that you feel like, that was good. We did that right. It benefited the flourishing of our family, the flourishing of our kids. I know that all of us in this room are probably quick to see our failures and the places that we blew it in parenting, but the reality is, all of us also probably have some places that, gosh, that was something good, that we practiced in our home, whether it was a belief or a routine or a practice that we did, that really did benefit our relationship with our kids, them maybe walking with the Lord one day.

And so we're gonna get to hear from a few different families about what's one thing that you practiced in your home that benefited your family growing up. And really, I said all of us could be quick to share our failures, and maybe there will be a time for that too, but I wanted us to today practice. That's not today. And and really, all of them probably could share their failures except for the Mirdens. They there's none there. Yeah. But we're gonna kick it off today starting with Quiggin and Annette. They're each gonna share for about eight to ten minutes, and then hopefully at the end, if we have time, you'll be able to ask some questions and pick their brains a little bit. But, so we're just gonna share what is the what's one thing that you did to benefit your family? And let me pray while Quig swallows his food. Mhmm.

Opening Prayer and Introduction to the Panel

God, we wanna, turn our hearts to you this morning. Thank you that you are the God who wants to encourage us in the calling that you've given us in stewarding our children. Jesus, there's nothing more precious to us or to you than their hearts and their souls. And so, I pray that your wisdom and your Holy Spirit would fill this room. God, I pray that you would inspire each of us to be pointing our children to you, and God, that we also would point our own hearts to you. Thank you for this time. Thanks so much for the willingness and the wisdom of the people who are gonna share this morning. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Yeah. Come up here and you can use this mic and this mic. We get to hear from the one and only Honey this morning.

Sharing from the Mirdens

Okay. So, I know you love being in the spotlight, Miss Annette. Right? Yeah. Yes. So and I talk all the time. So, do you wanna you wanna start out sharing I know we're not supposed to say something bad we did, but just because as parents, like, you make mistakes all the time. You know? I could play you a reel of some of the things I've done. Whoo. Rough. So why don't you tell them one? Yes. Tell them how lazy we are sometimes. So our kids were can you hear me? Our kids were one, three, and five, and we were tired. We were exhausted. They get an amen. Amen. And Fleet started kindergarten and Fleet would wake himself up, get himself dressed, go down to the kitchen, pour his bowl of cereal, finish it up, wash his dish, and then come up to the bedroom and say, mom, dad, wake up. It's time to drive me to kindergarten. That's that's true, but technically he woke me up earlier than that because every morning about 06:30, Fleet would be fully dressed with his knapsack on his back, his pencil sharpened and all that, and you'd hear his spoon hitting the bowl. And then, and I'd be like, ugh. And we'd roll over and try to get another ten minutes of sleep. But eventually, what did he do? He started driving and he could take himself No. Came and woke us up. He came and woke us up. He woke Alright. Us So, yeah. We've had some other failures as well. So, all that extra sleep we got helped us be on our game for nighttime putting the kids to bed. So, we had a good inning. Yeah, we did. Okay. Tell them. So, we we put them to bed. We pray with them. We pray for them. And So we have this thought that kids, if you said, hey, you want me to pray? They might go, whatever. But my thought is if you're rubbing their back, who's gonna refuse that? And so after dinner, sometimes we'd split up and one do the dishes and one would start with the kids and then we'd all finish with the children. But we just kneel beside their bed and just start rubbing their back and praying. And then, we often got the little Jesus storybook bible or something similar. But but the the the hard truth is a lot of times Fleet would go, dad wake up. Dad wake up. Or Mary Winn or Annie would say that. And I'm I'm so embarrassing as a father, you're trying to like put God's word into your kid and have a beautiful ending. But, about half the time it's like So, but so, weren't perfect but our kids did get a lot of scripture. I remember the Childress family really had an impact on us. John and Joan Childress would read a chapter of the bible every night at dinner to their kids. And so I thought, well, if they can do it, the Lawrence's can do it. But we we didn't have quite as much success. But but one thing we did pray for particularly Yes. Was Their spouses. Prayed for their spouses. You guys, I don't know if any of guys are single, but from the time I met Jesus at age 21 till I got married, I prayed for my spouse. I didn't know her. I didn't know her. But in the lonely years of seminary where you don't have a date and you're just basically a monk, I just prayed every day. Lord, bless my wife wherever she is. And so, you know, I think when Annette and I met, there was all this spiritual work that had been done. And so as soon as I met her aside from her ravaging beauty, there was just a connection that the Lord made. And so, wanted that for our kids. We want our kids. We prayed that for our kids and Fleet married Rachel. And, you guys, we could not have gone out and found a better wife for him. Tell them about Rachel.

Yes. Rachel is godly. Rachel is beautiful. Rachel's beautiful inside. She's patient. And, my son, like me, can sometimes lean to the impatient side. And so, having a lady that is so godly and so patient. Honestly, I always thought I could pick the best wife for my son. So, let's just do arranged marriages. But, when God picked this woman, I'm like, wow, Lord. You actually are better matchmaker than I am. Imagine that. Our our prayers were answered with Rachel. So we have Mary Winn. And Mary Winn has approved this message. But Are you sure she's approved it? Because Yeah. Yeah. This gonna be like $50. So Mary Winn, after her freshman year of college, she had a hard season. And that summer, Andy Fetzer said Kinda like you and I did. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Just make that easy. Andy Fetzer said, Mary Winn, come with us. Go with us to Lake Champion. We need you. You could be a lifeguard. You could help sing. So Mary Winn went, and wouldn't you know, God sent this kid from Bodhatot to the exact same camp at the exact same time and his name was Eric. And And I heard about it and I was like, boy, I don't like him. He's from Bodhatat. I don't I don't like that. He goes to Lord Bodhatat, I don't really like that. I don't know him. His name's Imhof. What kind of name is that? Sounds like German. Imhof. I didn't know. So and plus he liked my daughter and then Feth was telling me he was hanging out at her lifeguard stand. But also It's like a small puppy dog. Also, his Mary Winn sang up there with Sloop, Sloop led music and Mary Winn sang with him and Eric's job was supposed to be to run the slides. But the the story that got back to Roanoke was Eric was so mesmerized by Mary Winn. He just stared at her the whole time and he he messed up all the slides. But he got the Well, yeah. They came camp was over. They came home. We met Eric. He's okay. Yeah. He's okay. I you know, the jury was out. I mean, he's a guy. You know, he has the hots for your daughter. I don't automatically not sure I like him. He gave us his phone number and not knowing what the other did, we we would list him in our contacts as the boy. Without talking to each other. We all put the boy. The boy. That tells you anything. The boy. So so like so college started back September. Eric was at Virginia Tech, Mary Winn was at home with us going to Western. She was in her hard season and we were away for a weekend and she was having a really, really hard time. She called Eric. Eric, this is the story we got. Eric jumped in his car, which had no gas in it. He had no money. Had no money in his pocket, but he had He wanted to come home and comfort Mary Winn who was having a hard time. And so he got there, she said, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life, I'm so stressed out, my hair's falling out. He said, Mary Winn, stop, stop. I love you. I would love you even if you were bald. That's it. We changed his name from the boy to Eric Imhoff, and our prayers were answered. Wes. And I would just say watching Eric go through the birth of Eva Grace and watching him with all the children has been such an encouragement that God did hear our prayers. I mean, I love Eric and I think he is a perfect helpmate and Mary Winn perfect help helpmate for him. And I just love the way he fathers our grandchildren. And so He treats Mary Winn like a queen. He does. He does. He does the dishes. He does the laundry.

Final Advice from the Mirdens

Okay. So, what's the bottom line we're trying to impart? We're leave Our it with one one thing as we finish up. Yeah. Here. Pray, pray, pray. And don't stop. Because it's just easy to go, well, I don't really see the results. Pray. I mean, I prayed for what? I prayed for five years nonstop for my wife. It's very easy to just get to the point where, God's not really listening. No, he is listening. We're still praying. And we're still praying for her. And we're still praying. Still praying. We have one that hasn't married yet, so we're praying for her as well. Yeah. Guys, thank you so much. What an awesome reminder to be committing our kids to the Lord and their futures and their spouses and I love too that like your your encouragement is pray and keep praying. There's still unanswered prayers that we're waiting on. That is beautiful. Thank you.

The Daltons' Perspective

Okay. Next, get to hear from the Daltons. I'm so excited for us to hear from them. We have fallen in love with their girls down in the youth group. So, we're excited to hear what their one thing is. Thank you, Michael and Suzanne.

Good morning. Good morning. I am totally not used to this. This is gonna be really weird. My name is Michael. This is Suzanne. Our daughters are Isabelle and Genevieve. Isabelle's 17 and Genevieve's 13.

Louder? I'm on a mic. Okay. Beat it. Okay. There's a lot of parallels actually when Quig started. We read to the girls early on. Like Dave Sleop said, what was it? The Hungry Caterpillar's play. One of those We read that a lot. One of those books we read. But we we homeschool our kids. And Suzanne obviously spent a lot of time during the day reading to them. And I wanted to I wanted to come home and be able to spend time with them. So I would start reading to them more, she took it sort of as a break. And that That time kind is not my thing at all. Yeah. Sometimes not. So so and I loved it. So we we would, you know, sit on the couch or, you know, lie in bed or something right before going to bed. And and first we started off. I wanted to pray over them. That's something it wasn't I wasn't used to having done for me when I was younger. So I wanted to do that. And we started off with the the same thing, the the bible story books. So I'd read a little bit and then we'd pray. And and they pile all over top of me and then we'd, you know, go off and do our thing, go to bed. And and then as time went on, we started adding other books because we had some books, homeschool books that were, you know, I was like, well, let me take a load off and read something from her their curriculum. And I would read maybe a chapter out of that book and then go to a bible story and then pray. And so, you know, it got to be quite involved in the evening. And that but that kept going for a while. And then we as as they got older, we added other books. We I think we added the secret garden was the first one we did. And then we did the whole Harry Potter series. Then we read Lord of the Rings, which was, you know, that's quite a bit of a of an upgrade from those other books. And and so all that and we've done this actually up until even now. We're still doing this at their age. And it's become such a consistent tradition that they won't even let me get away without doing it. Now there are nights we come back from an outing and we're late and it's just prayer. Or we do the devotion and we pray. And sometimes we have a book that's sitting there that we're working on for ages and we don't ever get to it for a while. But actually last night we actually did read in some of that. So it's an Andrew Peterson book if anyone's familiar with him. He's got a series called The Wingfeather Saga, is awesome. And that's one of the series more recent series we've worked on. But like Quig, it's kinda funny. We throughout the years when we've been reading, some nights it's nine, 09:30, and I'm getting tired, and I'll start. Instead of The word start to slur. Yeah. The word starts to slur. And and and unlike Quig or where he's snoring, I actually it's almost like I'm going into a dream state, and I start saying other things. And I and I I'll say something, and then the girls were like, dad, what are you talking about? And I'm like, oh, that didn't make any sense, did it? And then I said, I think it's time for a prayer and going to bed. So yeah, that was but the thing that's really touches me, guess, and the one thing I would take from this is that traditions are good and the consistency with the traditions. And then for us, I think it's opened up it's it's constant communication because we would always have discussions after the devotion or after the book we read. And they would have questions and we would talk about those questions. And that was a really special time for me. I loved talking with them about whatever they had on their minds. And that has fostered communication up to this point. So if ever they have anything to talk about now or concern or how they feel about something, they usually don't hesitate to come to us with those questions. So Yeah. And even now if it's 11:00 at night and we're pretty much asleep, Isabelle will come in and be like, you need to pray for me. Yeah. So, I mean, like, even even today. Yeah. I tried to I've took one well, I think it's one evening recently and I would the girls are doing their own thing and Genevieve's ready to go to bed. Isabelle's not. And I prayed over Genevieve, I said, you're going to bed. And I went to bed, and I thought, okay. Isabelle's just gonna go to bed. She's not gonna yeah. But, yeah. Knock knock knock on the door. So, yeah, that's very sweet. So something that has helped us kind of choose how we want to parent over time is right out of the Dalton Family Mission. A friend of ours called it the Dalton Manifesto. But so back in the day, the girls were probably six and two, but they were staying with the grandparents for the weekend, which doesn't happen very often because we don't have parents here in town. And we were in the car by ourselves, which really didn't happen very often. And we started talking and they were young and but just starting Isabelle was starting to get to the age where she was, you know, wanting to do things outside the house and be in little classes or whatever. And we decided we needed to make some guidelines for how we were gonna choose what activities the girls were gonna be involved in. They're four years apart, so some things were gonna be difficult to have them in the same place at the same time. We didn't wanna be running all over creation because we wanted to have family time, and we wanted them to have a relationship with one another and with us. And so we wrote out there's five areas that were important to us as a family or as a couple that we wanted to pass on to our children. And the areas that were of most importance are faith, relationships, physical health, the out of doors, and living simply. And so we've there's more to it than that, but we wanted to make decisions about schooling, which we decided to homeschool because we wanted to have that close relationship with our kids and have them at home. We decided we weren't interested in doing team sports. Our kids aren't really interested in them anyway, but we also knew that that often led families to be very separate and very much moving and going places. Their evenings and weekends were often busy, and we just didn't want that for our family. And so we got involved in karate because we could all do that together. We the girls are involved in Girl Scouts, which Michael is also a Girl Scout. We he gets to come on camping trips. He's good. Can't tell. Yeah. It's right. But that, you know, it was something that we could all do together. And so those this has helped us make decisions over time about what activities and where we want to spend our time and our resources.

The Importance of Intentional Parenting

Thank you, you guys. That is so awesome. So the the manifesto almost serves as a filter for you in decision making. I love that. And the thing that I keep thinking after hearing you guys talk, both the Lawrence's and the Daltons, is connection with our kids is not gonna happen by accident. Know, there there has to be some deposits that we're intentionally making along the way that will fuel a desire for connection as they get older. So that is beautiful.

Conclusion

Okay. Next up, we get to bring up Erin Love, the one and only. Thank you, Erin.

Hi, guys. So if you don't know, I have four daughters. Natalie is the assistant children's ministry director downstairs. Many of you know and love her, and I'm gonna start with the one thing I'm gonna share with you came out of how challenging she was as a kid. Many of you are like, yeah. Right. No. Seriously. She was super super challenging. But then there's Asher who's 16. She's learning to drive which is not fun. And for her but not me. And then Sarah is 14. Amaze is 12. So we have all girl household.

But when they were really young, and I guess that was probably just Natalie and Asher, Natalie was super strong willed. Like, there was she was going to do what she was going to do. And she very much it was just just hard. And I remember a time that I was just crying and so frustrated and I was praying and I was like, god, show me parenting examples. Like, where who do I follow? What do I do? And I sensed that he said Mary and Joseph. I was like, okay. Their kid was perfect, so I don't know if that's really gonna work for me. But he reminded my heart that although their child was, they were not. And so as the the main thing that I took away from just spending time looking at them as parents and praying and asking the lord what he meant, it was really just their relationship with him. You know, he chose them to parent his son because they had a relationship with him. So listening to him, obeying him, that's what I see them doing continually. So make time for your own relationship with the Lord. Like, that was super important. And when it that went to the wayside, so did everything else.

So making time for my own relationship with the Lord and to pray for my kids. So letting God parent me first was really the only way that I saw to parent well. And then I think this one is the most unique and most practical piece that I learned from looking at Mary and Joseph and thinking about what their life must have been like because, you know, none of our kids is called to be the Messiah, but each of our kids is chosen and created and purposed for the time that they're put here on the planet and in our homes. And so that really changed my mentality. Instead of them being like a project or an assignment or let's just get them through, it's like, no. This is the body of Christ. Every kid from, you know, birth to death, every one of us, were all part of the body of Christ. And so I think thinking of my kids in that way, these just happened to be four of the people in the body of Christ that are in my home that I have an opportunity to influence and have a really close relationship with. And so as I've talked to a lot of people I've found that that's unique for our household. And so that played out differently just instead of like for example just trying to fix behavior like remaining consistent and disciplined or something I've said because it's valuable, because it's worth it when I'm tired and when it's just frustrating. Another thing is like listening to them like getting in a different posture rather than we just need this to change pausing and hearing from them because a lot of times I remember one with Asher, She's super artistic and it after having Natalie who is very strong willed you I don't know if you all experienced this but you tend to try the same things with the second kid and they're really different and it just doesn't work. So Asher, I was teaching Asher to put away the dishes and she would never do it in the right place. Like and I'm like, are you just trying to be frustrating? You know, that's how I came at it. But then one day she took my hand and she pulled back and all the cabinets are open and she's like, look, it looks like butterfly. The girl had made art out of the dishes, you know, in the cabinet and that was when I was like, okay, god. Maybe I really need your help with this one. So just that, just the pause, like stopping or remembering to allow God to parent your heart so that you can parent their unique heart so that they can walk as as, part of the body of Christ because that's what we really want for them. And then that that one thing that they told me to share that I didn't even think of but I think it comes from this principle is they said that I was strict when they were young, put in really concrete boundaries and that that helped them feel safe and then as I knew they were able to, I gave them more and more space. And they said that they feel like that was really good, so there you go.

Conclusion

Erin, thank you. That was an awesome zoom out to even just remember we are raising the next generation of humans, followers of Christ, leaders in the church, leaders in our world, you know. And so to remember each one is unique and special. That's so good for me to remember too. So thank you.

Closing and Prayer

Okay. Next we have Julie Merton. Is Steve here? No Steve today. Just Julie. Let's give it up for Julie. Thank you, friend. Steve is with our oldest fishing this weekend, so that's fitting that he'd be with him. So we have our oldest, Christopher, is almost 27. He's been married for two years. We have a daughter-in-law, Allison, and we have, Courtney, who's 25, and Brooks, who's 20. He's a sophomore at tech.

So Steve and I did a lot of talking about this and praying, so I've made notes so that I can definitely include all of his input as well. But as we just reflected on our parenting journey, we thought a lot about how building intentionality into our parenting and into our lives with our family and our children just helped create a rhythm for our family and kind of a framework for how we wanted to operate day to day, sorry, and also, in the larger picture.

One of the things we did was we tried to visualize how we wanted our children to look like as adults. What characteristics do we want them to have and and pray about that, and what do we think God intended for them to, look like as adults in in their lives, how they would turn out. And we kinda worked backwards from that, and that would affect a lot of decisions that we made day to day, even small decisions. It was a guideline, a little bit like your manifest. It was it was a a structure and a guideline that helped us make decisions along the way for things we wanted to participate in or do or not do, and it helped guide our daily lives.

Some of the ways we were intentional is we did have routines, we have plans, structures, but we also tried to be fluid within that and not just be legalistic with things, but also to have some fluidity within that. Also, fostering sibling relationships. Natalie touched on how different all of our kids are, and that doesn't always just come naturally. So we were trying to foster relationships amongst them so that when they are adults then they are close and they rely on each other. And we just we felt like that was a really important thing for us to focus on.

And we are seeing some of the fruits of that. Our older two live in Richmond and it's nice to see them rely on each other. And so and Brooks, their youngest sibling, is going to also be in Richmond this summer. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister.

So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister. So and he did that intentionally because he wanted to be with his brother and sister.

We are thankful that they want to be together. Although, think they gang up on us now. But we were intentional about having as many family dinners as we could. That gets so challenging as they get into sports and activities, but we just did the best we could with that and we let our children know that that was a priority, that time together, praying with them. I know you all touched on that so much. I tried to do morning devotions with the kids and that sounds really great and it was a lofty goal. It was more of just something we tried to do. It didn't always look pretty. It didn't happen every morning. I usually just had some kind of a devotion book that we would kind of go over as they were eating breakfast. I'm not even sure how much of it sunk in. I think it was more just about the routine and trying to build that into the start of their day and to pray with them before they left for school. We also try to be consistent with our our church and Sunday school attend attendance and making youth group a priority in church activities. But again, it gets so hard. You get so tired and it's just it's hard to to do all these things but we tried the best we could to to help our kids understand that that was a priority.

One of the biggest things that helped us was to find families that are maybe just a little bit ahead of you in the parenting phase and look at their children. And and if they're showing wisdom and and and grace and their children are kind of what you would hope your children might be at that next phase, to really rely on them for advice and to use them as mentors and and to to reach out to them and learn how they might have have done or parented the way that they parented. There's one family in particular I can think of in this church that we really just admired them so much and they really walked alongside us and we we gleaned a lot from their parenting and from their spiritual their spiritual lives and and how they loved their families and and guided them.

Also, our interactions with our kids, this is one of the hardest. We really try to be locked in and engaged even in the small things. Even in the tiniest little moments to really be involved and be engaged with them and let them know that we were hearing them. I think a lot of small moments add up to a big impact and they can create an impact in an amazing way. It's the little things that make the larger thing. And so, sometimes those little engagements, we might think that they're minor and that they're meaningless but they can really add up to making an amazing impact and grow into something larger.

Also, as Erin talked about, like faith is not just for our children, it's for us too. And we have to grow and mature in faith so that we then disciple our children and and help them become who God has intended them to be. And we really relied on outside sources that would help our kids just deepen and encourage their faith and would help bring them along because as parents, we can just only do but so much. But there's so many people within our community and we're so blessed in this Christian community that will pour into our kids and help them deepen their faith and and grow into adults that own their faith and have their own faith.

Because as parents, you know, when they're little, we can do a lot of that, but it's ultimately theirs and it's and it's for them. And so when you have those people outside that will love them and and help them come along and make their faith their own, it's such a blessing.

We always tell our kids every time we talk to them that we love them. Even if it was just a quick little, you know, can I go here? Can I do this? Know, when we're hanging up the family, we would always tell them that we love them. And we're still trying to be intentional with our adult children. I think it looks a lot different. It's hard, but we're trying to be present with them and be faithful to them and and still walk alongside them the best we can even as adults.

So that's you're lucky you didn't have Steve today, but, you know, you how was Steve? No. Thank you. Thank you, Julie. Thank you.

Questions and Wrap-up

You might have. No. So good. Okay. We have a few minutes for questions. And so many of these things, you guys mentioned just little things that even I was like, oh, wait. Tell me more about that. What did you do here? What did you do? Fetzers are gonna actually we're saving the Fetzers for the fall. Yep. We're saving the Fetzers for the fall. I know. Are you bummed? I know. Me too. But actually, Fetzers, if you wanna jump in here, this would be great. But we do wanna save your your what you're gonna talk about for the fall.

What is going on in your heart? As you've heard these parents share, is there something that you wanna know a little bit more about? Maybe have them develop a little bit more on what they said about one of the practices that they were doing with their kids. But is there anything that you wanna hear a little bit more about before we wrap up today? This was so good. Thank you guys so much for sharing. I know it's going out on a limb. But did anybody have anything they wanted to ask? Erin Smith. Yeah. What a great question. So what does it look like to begin to transition from just the authoritarian mother, parent figure to building a genuine friendship, discipleship relationship with your girls?

I think just like off the top of my head as I'm as I'm just thinking through how to answer that well, would be given as they're coming up. So a lot of you guys have younger kids that are coming up or grandkids and just watching as they respond well and as they're you start to see character growth even if it's not perfect, obviously, you start to give them more freedoms or more opportunities to make make a choice because they've obeyed. And that that that is rewarded, but it's also, like, we can we can talk about it before they make those those choices in that, you know, kinda transitional. Like, Amaze right now is very much in that space. She's 12 and, you know, she sees her older sister, so she just thinks she can go and do whatever she wants. Well, not yet. You know? But we still we have conversations, and I ask her sisters to share, you know, what were you doing at that age. And then for me, as far as, like, as anything that they wanna talk about, I try to lean in and engage that even if it instead of cutting them off right in the moment, saying, tell me more about that. And, you know, if it's appropriate sharing my own I don't hide a lot from my kids. I mean, some people are very guarded about what they share with their kids, and I think that's a personal choice or whatever God's called your family to. But for me, I've always been pretty open, especially if they initiate and they ask and want to engage that conversation. They're not just trying to get, you know, manipulative power over me. But yes. Just so engaging those conversations and allowing them more freedoms. Is that that's the part that you are really wanting? And I don't I don't know. I just judge it by how how they respond to the I guess, I put a big guardrails. And when they play in the guardrails, then I widen them. I guess this is the best way to say it. So anyway. What do you guys add to that? Just what it's looked like bridging that gap. Yeah. I would say one thing to add to that would be as as those guardrails start to get wider, you can start as your children are starting to drive and have more friends and a wider, you know, circle that you can have start having conversations with, okay, why do you wanna go there? What you know, like, what is what is going to be happening there? You know, what's the purpose of this outing or, you know, how well do you know that friend? Like, you can start having those kind of conversations that, I mean, you can't really have with a 10, 11, 12 year old. Like, that that's they're not there yet. So, yeah, it's, again, having the dialogue, but, like, they're they're old enough. They are mature enough to start having those conversations. Yeah. And make them think. Yeah. Anybody else wanna jump in there? Oh, Jules. I was just gonna say we did a parenting course. It's now have you ever heard of Baby Wise? So they had the, like, the not the book form, but anyway, it was like something you did back then. It was cassette tapes and you filled in the little, you know, blanks. But anyway, just the one takeaway real quick was parenting inside the funnel. You know, when you think about a funnel and it's narrow at the bottom and it gets wider at the top and as they get older, know, of course they're getting more and more freedoms like the guardrails. And so we would refer back to that. Are we parenting inside the funnel? Because you could see sometimes if your kids get outside the funnel for whatever their appropriate age is, not just that things happen. Mean, kids need structure, they need boundaries and so you could see that it was not a positive experience for them either. So, that kinda helped us, know, because then the thought is, you know, at the top of the funnel, they go off to college and they're on their own and hopefully they're prepared to deal with That awesome. Okay. We have time for one more question. Anybody else wanna jump in with one thing they wanna hear somebody elaborate on? Is it Fetz or Sammy or oh oh oh, Johanna. Yes. What's your question? I had the same question. Actually, Julie, you talked about how there were some intentional things that you did to foster sibling relationships. Would you talk a little more about that? Yes. Yes. And and I know exactly what you're referring to. Our older two are eighteen months apart and they're total opposites. So, that's been the most challenging, that relationship to foster those two. And, I think along the way trying to allow them to have opportunities where we were not involved, where we stepped back. They had to work together to work through things, you know, because they they they see things differently. They and, you know, as their parent, we can see kind of both sides but, of course, for the two of them, they just think the other person sees it completely wrong. So, trying to allow them just to have that relationship to provide times to you for them to be together, go do things together and learn learn more about and appreciate each other. And so, I think just allowing them times to be together and do things together when we were not involved or just kind of encouraging them to if we could see that they were struggling, we spent a lot of hours talking to each one of them individually, encouraging them to go and be with the other person and to work things out and to to develop the relationship that's theirs, that's between the two of them.

Anything you guys would add to fostering sibling relationships? We just whooped their tails. I mean, honestly, we prayed because sometimes it's like two random roosters going at each other. So, we prayed. Sometimes we yellow trucked and got real tough. And I don't know. I mean, we did James Dobson stuff that helped a little. I make them hug. They have to stand there and hug each other until the timer goes off. And sometimes it turns into a wrestling match but you know, it it then, you know, it's letting them kind of be like, no, this this is what this looks like. It was better than spanking them. Yeah. Absolutely. So that's one. Another one that has been helpful in our family is talk as they've gotten older is talking about love languages and different things. Different like like she does not receive that well. You know, you wanna love on her this way and she hates it. Can can you try to ask her, you know? Just talking about who they are to each other. Sarah and Amazah, my youngest two are the ones that constant. But talking to them when we talk individually, like Julie was reminding us, reminding them what what do you love about her? What do you see that's unique that reminding them what they do care about in each other and speaking who that is. Have them do chores together. If they have a project to do together, it can it can devolve into arguing, but the chore still has to get done. So they have to figure out how to work together. Something that can help with that at very young ages is playing games together, especially games that have a cooperative outcome. So they have to work together in order to win instead of, you know, I won. And and and we also this is something that's just a personal pet peeve of mine. That whole like one upping and I won and you didn't or I got this and you didn't, like that kind of language is never allowed. The one thing I I think is maybe different in our household is that our girls still Oh, sorry. Right there again. Our girls still share the same room. And I think that forces a lot of cooperation that you wouldn't have otherwise. Some of that's by necessity I suppose. We we also host a fellow so they don't have a choice really to have another room. Have to keep sharing for the time being anyway. That's been their choice.

Final Remarks and Invitation

Well, I know we could probably keep going, but, thank you for being here last week and this week. This was so beneficial and so good for us to get to hear from each other about what we are doing in our own homes. So thank you for being here. We're gonna do this again in the fall and get to explore more what it's looking like to disciple and raise our own children. So thank you guys for sharing with us. Seriously, I know this was a stretch. Thank you.

Alright. And I'll pray to end us. Lord Jesus, we give you our children. You love them more than we do. God, you care about the trajectory of their lives and you care that they become exactly who you've designed them to be. So help us, God, to partner with you in the forming of their hearts and their lives. Jesus, we entrust them to you and we thank you for this time together. Pray that you would sharpen us as we lead our children. In Jesus' name, amen.